This shit is happening.

Today is CD35.
Today is 22DPIUI.
Today is 21DPO (or 22DPO depending on how you look at it.).

Today is the day I peed on a stick and saw this:

I am legitimately, 100%, mother fucking pregnant!  To say I am shocked is an understatement.  This is the first BFP I have ever had.  I really can't believe it's real.  I am 5 weeks pregnant....whaaaat?  This is completely surreal.  In 9 days I could potentially see a heart beat.  And we will find out A) if it's a healthy looking, viable pregnancy and B) how many of those 8 follies managed to fertilize and burrow in....definitely nervous about A and B. 

This is how it went down.  After several nights filled with anxiety and insomnia we woke up this morning with a plan.  Get coffee and donuts and then go buy pregnancy tests.  I wanted to see two lines and the word pregnant.  I wont lie, if there were two lines I wanted to stare and obsess over how dark of a line the second one was.  There is an amazing donut shop only about 15 blocks away from us but we somehow manage to only go there maybe twice a year.  So today we got our donuts and went to the drug store.  I made sure to buy some soap and conditioner also so we didn't just have two boxes of pregnancy tests at the checkout.  The girl behind the counter kept trying to catch my eye and smile coyly anyway.  It annoyed me so I was bitchy and actively gave her the cold shoulder.  That's how I roll. 

I highly recommend you put together a kit like this for your next HPT!

We went home and B immediately starts pushing me to go take the tests but I didn't really need to pee yet and I was honestly feeling like I was going to be sick.  I was filled with dread and so nervous.  Eventually I was like, fuck this.  Let's just get it over with.  I peed in a cup because if the first test showed two lines then I wanted to immediately do the digital test that says "Pregnant".  I peed in a plastic cup left over from one of our parties and was crackin up because I almost overflowed it!  And it was really gross to look at a big cup of your own urine and think "that looks like something I would drink!"  I dipped the stick in the cup facing away from me so I couldn't see it and then after I counted to 20 I put the cap on it and threw myself against the towel rack trying not to throw up.  It was probably only 15 seconds later, maybe only 10 but it felt like an eternity before B said in a disappointed voice oh shit... my heart sank and I turned around to look at it before running to bed and hiding under the covers for the rest of my life.  Before I even saw it B continued with "I hope your ok with being pregnant cause there's two lines!"  Of course I immediately started crying and shaking.  My heart was pounding.  I think the first thing I said was "oh my fucking god!"  We did the other test and waited to see the word pregnant pop up...it did.

I am in disbelief.  We have been waiting for this for 3 and a half years.  We have worked so hard for this.  I have put my body through so much especially in the last year and a half.  I know this isn't game over.  I know we have a way to go before I can really breathe easy(ier).  But this is my first BFP friends.  I really thought it might never happen.  I will call the clinic tomorrow and find out if they will let us do an ultrasound to see the fetal pole and hopefully heartbeat on the Wed. right before Thanksgiving.  I assume they will also want me to come in to get a beta number before then.

I got tons of love and support from my fertility group on FB.  All private of course so none of my other people on FB can see it.  I am blown away by how gracious and happy all these ladies have been...I know I haven't always had happy thoughts when someone has gotten their BFP.  I know first hand how hard it is to find joy in someone elses victory.  It makes me feel very humble and so fortunate.  You ladies are all far better, more evolved women than I.  I promise to not be obnoxious in my future posts and updates.  I promise I will still be bitter and sarcastic and PISSED.  I might have to change the name of my blog to Now Pregnant and Still PISSED!  

Anyway I am getting ahead of myself.  First we need a beta number or two and then I need to see that heartbeat!