Sunday, April 27, 2014

3rd Trimester

Hello again lovelies!  So do I have anything exciting to share with you?  Anything non-baby related?  Ummm, no I do not.  Well not really.  I am planning my sister's Bachelorette party which will take place at the end of June.  She has been planning my baby shower and I'm planning her Bachelorette party so we have been spending a lot of time texting each other on food and liquor preferences and what kind of games/activities we both want to happen at our events.

Our texts go something like this:
Her: Ok, we are going to have a mimosa bar and how do you feel about the game where you put different chocolate bars in diapers and melt them in the microwave so it looks like different poops?
Me: Eww, we are not doing that.  I am thinking we will drink Palomas at your party.  Do you want a caucasian penis and balls on your cake or black ones? 

I am having a fun time planning her party.  We are going to start at my house with food, cocktails and a few fun games.  I will have the house appropriately decked out in balls and penises.  We are going to have a penis sculpting contest out of pink playdough and pair off into teams to create toilet paper wedding dress masterpieces....or maybe we will all just collaborate on a toilet paper wedding dress on my sister.  Undecided.

I cant let everyone (my sisters specifically) get drunk because we are going to go take a two hour pole dance/strip tease class!!!  I can't tell you how excited I am for this.  I will be 37 weeks pregnant at that point so I wont really be able to do any cool tricks on the pole but I plan on doing my damnedest to be a sexy beast anyway.  The studio specifically states that if you appear intoxicated they will not let you participate in the class so I will have to keep the prefunking under control.  It will be a challenge.

After the class we will get glammed up and find a restaurant that serves liquor to get properly lubricated for what comes next....the male strip club!!!!  We have to find a restaurant because my youngest sister just turned 18 so bars are out for her.  They don't serve liquor in strip clubs in this state so she can come to the club with us....we just have to find alcohol somewhere beforehand!  As far as I can tell from my internet research there is only one male strip club in town and although it is located in a really boring part of the city as far as restaurants and bars go it just so happens to be only 10 blocks from the pole dance studio.  I am hoping I can find a decent enough restaurant in between the two places and we can just walk from one place to the next.  I'm bummed it's not in a more exciting spot in the city....if we were going to a girl strip club we could just go downtown and have lot's of options but my sis wants to see some shlongs and I fully support that! 

Alright, it's unavoidable.  I'm gonna talk about baby shit now.  I am 28 weeks today.  I still feel pretty good despite on and off insomnia and getting sick last week.  I was pissed because I hadn't been sick my entire pregnancy.  When I say sick I only mean I got a cold.  Still haven't thrown up once!  Thank god cause for some reason I made a bet with one of my sisters that I wouldn't throw up, she bet I would.  The winner gets to bitch slap the loser after the baby is born.  What's wrong with us?

Anyway the new pregnancy development is I am experiencing swollen ankles and feet.  And my feet hurt.  Especially the foot I broke 1 year ago.  It feels like I keep straining the arch of my foot every time I take a step.  This morning I got up and went to work.  I only taught one hr long class where I just walked around a room talking them through the exercises.  I met my friend to walk around the lake and when I went to put my sneakers on I noticed that my ankles and feet were really swollen!  I hadn't noticed at all when I was getting ready for work.  I don't know if I woke up like that or if just teaching for an hr made them swell.  Luckily I already had scheduled a prenatal massage for this afternoon and the masseuse worked a lot on my legs and got the swelling to go down dramatically!  That shit is expensive though!  I wish B was more generous with massaging me but he hates it and begging him for a 5 minute lackluster massage comes with a lot of complaining, whining and general grumpiness.  I told him he has to pay for the next massage I get.  I need to try to put my feet up more but that's hard with what I do for work.  I can't just sit on my ass all day when I'm with the kids and I certainly can't sit on my ass when I'm teaching dance or pilates.  Maybe I can in June when I'm a lot closer to my due date but I feel like it's too early to cop out now.

I am still getting baby stuff from people and going through it all.  70% I can immediately eliminate and take to good will.  The remainder I wash and organize into sizes.  Anything 6 months and under goes in Hazy's room and anything older than that goes in a giant tupperware bin in the basement.  Last week B's brother and dad drove from Minn. with a truck load of my nephews' baby stuff.  My friend who had a little girl in Jan. gave me another couple bags of baby clothes and maternity clothes.

I cleaned out Hazy's closet and put up curtain rods with drapery rings to hang up all her shoes and booties.  It looks so cute!  I bought a cheap mirror from target that I plan on hanging above her bookshelf.  I also found a cubbie shelf with hooks that is the same color we painted her accent wall that I want to hang right above her dresser/changing station to put diapers, wipes etc.  B is finally going to sand and paint her bookshelf tomorrow.  Once we get the cubbie shelf and hang it, hang the mirror and the bookshelf is done, the room will be pretty much finished!  Then I will post the before and after pictures that I know you are all holding your breath waiting to see!  My goal is to have it finished before my baby shower and I am confident we will make it happen!

I cannot believe today is the beginning of the 3rd trimester.  I am already starting to feel sad that in a short 10-14 weeks I wont be pregnant!!!  Obviously I cannot wait to see my sweet baby and hold her but I have truly enjoyed being pregnant and I will miss it.  I feel like from the moment I saw those two lines there has been an overwhelming sense of excitement and anticipation.  I love having a belly and feeling her move inside me is always amazing and surreal.

You know how the anticipation of Christmas or your wedding was in many ways more enjoyable and better than the actual event?  That's how I feel about being pregnant.  Imagining Hazy's arrival and what are lives together will be like is likely a much nicer fantasy than the reality...right now it's all sweet smelling babe sleeping peacefully strapped to my chest while B, the dogs and I take a summer evening walk through our neighborhood.  The harsh reality is a little bit more like fussy, gassy baby wont stop crying while B tries to catch up on all the shit and spit up upon laundry and I am sleep deprived and depressed about my saggy stomach and cellulite legs.

I have had a lot of experience with newborns and they are all different.  Some are great sleepers and hardly fuss at all.  Some are cranky all the time and refuse to let you put them down for two seconds.  Some have no problem breast feeding or taking a bottle and are great eaters.  Some can not figure out how to do it and are gassy and uncomfortable and spit up everywhere all the time.  It's a crap shoot.  Who knows what we are in for.  I hope the reality lives up to my imagination but I can't control that and for now I am trying to enjoy the fantasy of Hazy as much as I possibly can.

We get to see her again on May 9th.  We will have our 30 week anatomy scan, the follow up to our 22 week scan to make sure her growth has progressed appropriately.  I have been good at getting close to 100 grams of protein a day so she better have grown!  I am excited to see her little face again.  I hope she looks exactly how she did last time...only more cooked would be good!  She was just so cute the first time!  I hope she still has the same little pouty mouth she had in one of her pictures.  I can't wait to kiss those pouty lips!

I still don't have hemorrhoids or stretch marks, yay!  There's still plenty of time left for that though.  I haven't noticed any leaking nips...I'm waiting for something to happen in that area though.   I have been meaning to look into foods/herbs that help with milk production.  I have been so busy trying to get my protein and veggies I just haven't had time.  I started making some really delicious smoothies that I wish I had been making the whole pregnancy.  I have discovered a couple of combos that include non-fat Greek yoghurt and as much spinach as you would put in a good sized salad.  You blend it in a blender and the spinach just disappears and you cant taste it at all!  It's amazing.  I can get 23 grams of protein and at least two servings of dark leafy greens (with iron which I need) in one large smoothie.  And it tastes so fucking good!

Ok, I guess that's all I can think to write about for now.  I am going to update my belly pic page soon.  Sadly I totally never got around to doing a 26 week photo so I will post a 27 and 28 week one.  See ya!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

26 weeks and 4 days...

Update time.  We had our midwife appt. last Sat. morning.  It was a good one.  B was able to come with me, he had to miss the last three because they were scheduled in the middle of the day.  I had a long list of topics to cover so I felt very proactive and informed from all my birth book reading.  The main topics we discussed were the fact that we are for sure now doing a home birth and we went over our anatomy scan results with our midwife.

Home birth is a go.  We are ready for it.  And excited!  Even B is now 100% excited to do it at home.  We are going to rent a birthing tub and get the service where they set it up and then come back after the baby is born to drain the water (can you imagine a more disgusting job?), I'll be hiding in my bedroom when they come to do the clean up!

Ok, let's talk anatomy scan.  We were really curious to get our midwife's point of view regarding the baby's size and whether or not she would want us to do a 30 week US to check on Hazy's growth progress.  Well, the short answer is she does.  She isn't overly concerned but thinks its a good idea to make sure that Hazy continues to grow, especially since I've been cramming extra protein into my body.  She went over the measurements with us and basically it's her abdomen and femur measurements that are cause for a second look.  Poor baby's femurs measure in the 6th percentile!  I'm only 5'2" and B is 5'8" so I don't think it's shocking but I feel bad for passing on our shitty, short legged genes.  My belly was measuring at 27 weeks and I was just turning 26 weeks so hopefully that means the protein is working and she/we have had a growth spurt.

We have a 30 week US scheduled for May 9th with the same Dr. we had before.  I am nervous that they will find a reason to order me to have another US at 36 or 37 weeks and then discover some reason they think she's better off outside of the womb and will demand I be induced which is just a slippery slope to hospital C section territory!   On the bright side it will be nice to get more pictures of her at the very least!

B asked our midwife if he can catch the baby and she of course was really into it.  He is very cute about it.  He decided on his own that he wants to but is also OK if things don't work out that way...I might not be able to let go of him!!

Last weekend I went to my parents house (about 3 hrs from where we live) and briefly visited with my family.  My mom and I went through all the baby clothes she held onto for 30 years.  Unbelievable how much stuff she kept!  I brought about half of it home although I'll probably only use about half of that.

I drove out there on Sat and the whole day Hazy was super active!  She didn't stop moving all day long.  She was kicking me so strongly.  My youngest sister got to feel her kick several times and so did my mom.  She was really putting on a show!  The last few days she gone back to being really quiet.  I feel her at least a couple times a day but sometimes very drives me crazy that she's not more consistent!!!

While I was gone B painted our bathroom after all the construction that happened last week on the caved in ceiling and he painted the one wall in the baby's room.  Right before I left we got a giant box in the was the glider I put on our registry!  B had it all put together when I got back from my parents and I'm so happy with it.  Hazy's room is very small so I was worried it would be too big.  I also was worried if we had chosen the right color, we picked the green glider but I was worried it would be off from the green wall paint and would clash.  We got lucky.  The glider is the perfect size and the color is actually a lighter shade than online which ends up being a perfect match with the freshly painted wall!  So her room is slowly coming together.  The bathroom looks great too, amazing what a new coat of paint can do to spruce up a room!  Makes me want to do the whole house....

I have a new obsession... buying baby clothes off eBay.  It's bad.  I bought 10 items in 48 hrs.  There are some ridiculous deals out there!  I really am spending a fraction of what it would cost at the store and some of the items still have tags on them!  The next project is clearing out her closet and organizing all her clothes.  For now I am leaving the clothes laid out in piles in her crib so I can go in at least once a day and fondle them...its not weird!

I paid my taxes and got it all in the mail on the 15th.  Why I wait til the last second is a mystery.  But that's done until next year, thank god.  I'm so hoping that next year since we get to file with a dependant we might actually get some money back...or at least break even!

OK, I guess that's it.  I can't think of anything else thats happening around here.  Its basically eat protein, drink water, feel guilty I'm not working out more often, buy baby stuff, clean out drawers and closets, obsess over how much the baby is or isn't moving, remember to eat more salads and take my vitamins and supplements, check repeatedly for stretch marks etc, etc, etc.  Let me tell you, it's wild and crazy times over here...

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Proof that once infertile, always infertile

Last night right before bed I checked my Facebook on my phone and gasped in shock.  One of our friends had posted an US pic of a pretty well developed baby and announced that their almost two year old son is going to be a big brother.

Now these are not super close friends of ours but they have been in our larger circle of friends for over 10 years.  We had already been TTC for a year when they got pregnant with their first.  I remember asking my friend how long they had been trying and she said "oh a month!"  I guess a side note should be that this friend has epilepsy very badly and is on a lot of serious meds to keep her functional on a daily basis.  Meds she had to continue to take throughout her pregnancy.  She had a gorgeous baby boy who is very healthy...thank goodness!  It just always made it sting so much more comparing my health to hers and not understanding how it was all adding up.

I realized as I let the Facebook announcement sink in that even though I am pregnant and (fingers crossed) will be holding my baby girl in July or August I was still jealous...and bitter...and angry.  How can I feel these things at the same time I'm feeling my sweet babe kicking the shit out of my insides?  (I had Thai food and damn, that girl LOVED it! ).

I am jealous that they can conceive so easily.  I'm bitter they already have a toddler and are well on their way to number two.  I am angry that they are having a baby two months after me and my long awaited baby only gets two months of attention before the newest member of the group arrives.  I hate that I can't just be happy and excited for them!  I am happy for them but all those old feelings are still there....I felt almost the same emotions as all the times I endured pregnancy announcements in the over 3 years we were trying and failing miserably.  I didn't start bawling.  But it was like ripping a bandaid off a still raw wound.  Will it just always be like this?

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Are you really still reading my blog?

Well, I have very little to say..and that's good right?  I am 25 weeks today.  Everyone keeps asking me how I feel, probably because my belly is getting more gigantic everyday.  I went to a baby shower last Sunday for a woman who is 34 weeks pregnant and I swear I was almost as big as her!  I kinda felt like I was that douche wearing white at someone elses wedding.

I have very little to complain about.  I don't have stretch marks (yet), I don't have hemorrhoids (yet), my breasts feel pretty much back to normal, I'm sleeping fairly well at night, I have energy during the day, I am not excessively emotional or moody and even my weight gain has slowed (thank god).  It's so strange to me that for a feat that was so difficult to get started, once it finally did its been so mild and easy.  OK, you can totally punch me in the vagina right now, I realize that's the last thing some of you want to hear but I'm just trying to be honest.  Getting pregnant sucked balls big time but being pregnant is apparently something I do incredibly well.  Who knew?

I have had a couple Pilates sessions with my Doula so far and its been good to get to talk with her and get to know her more.  I told her that I'm writing in my birth plan that I'm giving birth fully clothed because I'm so embarrassed at how much cellulite is now covering my thighs and ass.  I guess I'll take the cellulite over stretch marks but wow, it's a dimple masterpiece down there.  I was looking at my belly pics and realized that there's a giant difference in the size of my ass from the first picture at week 6 to the last one I just posted at week 24...GIANT difference.  I have been trying to take a 3 mile walk around this beautiful lake several times a week with the baby I nanny.  The weather still gets in the way though. On Friday I chose to skip the walk and eat a donut instead.  Sigh.

So the latest news is that we found out that the birthing center that we were interested in using is out of our insurance's net work.  We have out of net work coverage but the deductible is so insanely high we will never meet it.  That means that if we want to have the baby at the birth center we have to pay 3K out of pocket.  That means that we are having a home birth!  I am actually super excited about it.  My four sisters were born at home so it feels normal and comfortable to me.  B was nervous and uncomfortable with the idea which is why we were looking into a birthing center but he has warmed up to it over the last several months and there is no way he wants to cough up the 3K just to have a home birth not at home!!!  Basically we are too poor to not have a home birth.  My only issue is that our dogs don't drive everyone crazy.  I guess everyone will have to deal.

On Tuesday we have a midwife appt.  B gets to go to this one because I was able to schedule it in the evening after he gets off work.  He hasn't gotten to go to them since the first one.  I feel like every time I have an appt. I have nothing to talk about.  Well this time I have a list of questions to ask about.  A long list!  This is also our first appt. since the anatomy scan so it's a good one for B to attend because our midwife will go over all of it with us again.  I guess now we can add discussing what we need to do to prepare having the baby at our house, yikes!  

My sister is getting my invites ready to send out for my baby shower.  I'm super excited about it!  It won't happen without it's fair share of family drama (my mother wants to help plan but my sister doesn't want to pick up the phone and call her so my mom is feeling left out and hurt) but if need be I will throw a "I'm pregnant and everything needs to go MY way!" tantrum.  Since the invites are going out I had to sit down and finish up my baby registry.  I spent a couple hours doing that yesterday.  Most of the items are small odds and ends but there's sooooo many of them!  Thinking about all that stuff coming into the house and needing to find space is totally overwhelming. 

I just did a rough draft of our taxes.  Yeah, I'm aware that it's April 6th.  I am a huge procrastinator.  Especially when I know it's gonna be bad news.  This year we owe just over 2K.  Fuuuuuuuuuuck.  Although I am finally an employee at all my jobs (I was an independent contractor for many years), two of them don't take out federal income tax and another one I'm filed as a 1 when I should be filed as a 0.  I want to cry.  Basically all I have in my Maternity leave savings account that I've been working on is 2K so now I have no money for Maternity leave.  I knew this was coming and I was expecting it but it's still a blow.  B is taking it remarkably well this year.  Every year even though we know we will owe he freaks out when he finds out how much but this time he has already moved on.  He said we have bigger stuff going on so we just need to pay it and focus on everything else.

Our bathroom ceiling was about to cave in on our heads due to a slow leak from the fan vent.  Our landlord has spent the last 4 mornings in our bathroom doing the repairs.  As we only have the one bathroom this seriously puts a wrench in my pooping schedule.  It stresses me out.  He came over again today and will be back on Tues.  I am praying he is done by the middle of the week.  Because of the ceiling needing to be repainted when it's all repaired we are also going to repaint the whole bathroom.  Not something we really needed to add to our list of preparations before baby but I guess it will be nice to have it look a little brighter/cleaner.  B is going to do all the painting while I go visit my mom and dad next weekend.  My mom is thrilled to have me come visit and go through all the baby clothes she has pulled out of the attic for Hazy.

I'm sorry everything I have to write about is basically baby related.  I assume that anyone who is bothered by it has checked out long ago.  And that is totally fine, I get it.  I remember very clearly when I first started reading IF blogs that I avoided any blogs where the blogger was already pregnant or already had a baby.  It was too painful and I couldn't share the joy with that person.  I was only able to relate to the women still deep in the pit of despair and misery.  That's what I needed to read to feel like I wasn't alone in this shit storm.  Once a blogger got pregnant after I got to know a her and felt like I was a witness to her IF struggle I was happy for her (it of course still stung) and able to continue following her journey.  But I am sure there are plenty of women who cant do that.  I just feel bad only writing about baby stuff but honestly I'm not doing a whole lot in my life except being pregnant and preparing to have this baby join our family.  I wish I had fabulous things to write about like amazing vacations and crazy nights out on the town or something but none of that is happening over here.  Just a whole lot of paying Uncle Sam my maternity leave savings and washing other people's used baby clothes.  Anyway, if you are still following along listening to my ramblings, know that I appreciate it!

On our beach trip last was COLD but it didn't rain the whole time!