Saturday, March 22, 2014

Girl Sout cookies are laced with crack.

Hey peeps.  Nothing very exciting happening here.  I am 23 weeks tomorrow which means only 1 more week until viability!  It's a somewhat reassuring milestone but of course I hope she stays in there until at least July.  My midwives wont deliver her if she comes before June 29th so I have that date as my goal beat.

So at 23 weeks pregnant that means I only have 17 more weeks to go before my due date.....WTF?!  It's weird to get to the point where instead of counting up and wanting the number to get larger I am now counting down and getting excited/terrified with how short of a time we have left.  I am actually not terrified....more like in denial.  When I imagine how our lives will be with baby Hazy it is just too abstract.  It feels surreal still.  I thought seeing her face and getting confirmation that she is healthy would solidify things but it just makes it harder to wrap my head around it.  I mean, seriously?  THAT little baby with THAT face is inside my right now?  ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? 

I still feel like I am a crazy lady who was so desperate for a baby I convinced myself and everyone around me that I am pregnant but really I've just been getting fat by eating all those damn Girl Scout cookies.  For real, I bought 13 boxes.  I think they are laced with crack.  I just read an article on yahoo news about a Canadian woman who faked that she was expecting quints.  Supposedly her boyfriend was even fooled.  There's a picture of them in their nursery with 5 cribs crammed in there.  She was only discovered to be a fraud (a seriously mentally ill fraud) when her "water broke", she was "lactating" and they went into the hospital to deliver!  I'm pretty sure I would have been found out at my anatomy scan last week but still I can't shake the feeling that I'm a fraud masquerading as a pregnant women.

Moving on.  Hazy has made her presence known a little bit more in the last week and a half.  Mostly on Thursday nights for some reason.  Last Thursday B felt a good kick!  Two nights ago she had some part of her body pushing outward and you could feel it from the outside of my belly.  It was pretty cool to touch it and know I was touching my baby girl.

We continue with our "cleaning out of everything we own before baby comes" project.   Last week we removed 5 bags of books from our house and donated to them to Good Will along with a bunch of shoes and clothes from cleaning out our closets.  We still have many other closets to clean out and today we tackle the basement.

We also picked out wall paint for Hazy's room.  It was a fight.  Don't ever marry an artist if you ever want to have any say over what shade of paint you use in your house.  Jesus.  I literally had to listen to B lecture me on how the shade of green I wanted was "too cool of a tone" to match the other paint in that room.  If it wasn't for the two nerdy paint store workers politely trying to ignore our marital spat I would have strangled him.  I only get physically abusive when there are no witnesses.  Just kidding.  We eventually brought a bunch of paint strips home, put them on the wall and miraculously came to agree on "springtime green".  We haven't actually painted yet but we will in a couple of weekends.

Next weekend we are going to the beach!  Yes, in the PNW, in the very beginning of spring.  It will be cold, windy, rainy...everything you want for a 3 day beach trip.  It will just be nice to have a 3 day weekend and be able to spend time together with the dogs.  B's dad and his dad's girlfriend are going to meet us there with their dogs.  It should be relaxing and fun.  Even if we are stuck inside the whole time.  I admit I am excited to take some pregnant beach shots.  The only photos I have of my pregnancy are the belly pics that I am only posting on this blog.  We haven't been taking any photos because we weren't completely public about the pregnancy until last weekend. 

In other non baby related news, I took my dog to the vet and while I was signing us in she promptly took a giant shit all over their entry way mat.  I didn't notice until I had already turned around and stepped in it.  Thanks Ruby. 

Ps. I posted my belly pic from last week if you want to see it.  

Friday, March 14, 2014

I kept my pants on!!!

It felt like today was never going to arrive.  It finally did.  I felt like I was waiting for Christmas.  I was so excited but so nervous and anxious.  Would we get good news?  Bad news?  Was she going to hide her face so we wouldn't get a good look at her?  Would I leave elated or devastated?  These were some of the thoughts that continuously cycled through my head for the last several days weeks. 

First let me start by saying that last weekend B was pretty sure he felt Hazy move when he had his hand on my belly!  I have been feeling little popping sensations more regularly although not quite as often as I would like.  It feels like a bubble popping.  Then just last night B felt a good strong pop, it was exciting.  I have also been feeling her rippling across my belly a little.  It has been reassuring to say the least. 

So today finally came and I picked up B at 2pm to head across the water (floating bridge) to go to some high tech maternal fetal medicine place.  I was nervous but I didn't feel sick to my stomach like I did getting my early USs.  While waiting in the waiting room we killed time by posting a funny pic on FB of B comically reading American Baby magazine in the waiting room.  We still hadn't made an announcement on FB at that point (more on this topic later) and I didn't caption it, I just posted the picture.  In the fever pitch moment of our nervous excitement we thought we were hilarious. 

I had to pee 2 times while we waited for our appointment and then we were finally called back to the US room.  At first I was turned off by our US/Dr. guy but thank god by the end I was kind of in love with him.  He started off by being too smooth and smarmy.  He asked us if we wanted to know the gender and when we said we already knew he wanted to know how.  We told him about the Panorama genetic test and he started questioning why we got it because I am considered young for it.  I explained that our fertility clinic had a deal with Panorama so it was affordable and offered the gender results which is what we wanted.  We finally got off that topic and he asked if we knew about when we conceived.  When I said we knew EXACTY when we conceived because we did an IUI he was very dismissive and asked if we were sexually active at that time as well.  When I said yes of course he said his opinion/preference was to assume that the IUI was coincidental and that we conceived naturally.  Obviously I wanted to punch him in the scrotum.  I quickly blurted out that I highly doubted that considering we TCC'd for 3 1/2 years and only after our 6th MEDICATED IUI did we finally get our one and only BFP.  And then we both dropped it and moved on.

At about this point we saw our baby on the screen.  Fuck you guys, she is so effing adorable!  I know I'm totally biased but seriously I don't think a baby could be any cuter at this only half baked stage.  You judge.  And then just lie to me and tell me she's the most beautiful little babe you have ever seen.  Here she is. 

She has her arm tucked up by her head.  We think that's hair all over her head!!  What do you think?  We forgot to ask but we both think she has hair.  The Dr. commented that she looks just like B.  It does look like she has his giant forehead.  I am in love with her little nose and her lips.  Her left eye looks like it's bulging out of the socket but that's just the weird 3D imaging.  I hope. 

I of course immediately started crying.  The appointment actually went a lot faster than people told me.  I think it lasted maybe a 1/2 an hour.  The Dr. quickly scanned all the important bits and basically in a nut shell she looks perfect.  The only thing to worry about (of course there has to be something, right?) is that she is on the small side.  Like in the 10th percentile.  But you know what?  I am only 5'2" and B is only 5'8".  We both weigh normal, appropriate weights.  We always joke that we are a hobbit family.  I was under 7 lbs when I was born and B was about 7.5 lbs.  B asked if she continues to grow at this same pace what are we looking at and the Dr. said she would be about 7 lbs.  To me that seems perfect but to the Dr. he obviously wants her to weigh more than that.  We discussed getting enough protein especially since I'm a vegetarian and when I told him I was aiming to get 60 grams a day he told me that I need to be getting 100 grams!  100 grams!!!!  Sheeeiiiit.  (anyone seen The Wire?  Anyone?)  So I am not going to worry about her being petite.  I will try to get 100 grams of protein so there will be a sea of protein shakes in my future but I WILL.NOT.WORRY.  

Reasons why I changed my mind about the Dr. as the appointment went on:
1) He kept giving us wonderful news about all Hazy's parts.
2) He kept telling us that we seemed like very kind people and that our baby was very lucky.
3) He acknowledged how hard we had worked for this baby and how happy he was to share the experience of seeing her with us.  (as soon as he said this I knew I loved him)
4) He did not try to push me into eating meat but instead said that he ate a mostly vegetarian diet and talked to me about other ways to get protein.
5) He was overwhelmingly positive and reassuring throughout the scan. 

Okay, dinner is done and B wants company.  We are celebrating by eating frozen pizza.  Don't judge, one slice has 17 grams of protein, Dr.'s orders!!!   

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Half way

Hello friends, I feel like it's been a little quiet out there!  I am anxiously waiting to hear an announcement from Rain Before Rainbow on the birth of her daughter.  I am also dying for an update from Lamenting the Lentil on the progress of her sweet twins.  I have all my fingers and toes crossed for Marcy at Sensitive Ginger hoping that she is now PUPO after her transfer that was supposed to happen yesterday.  Do you like how I just call you out like that?  And what up, Stupid Stork and The Cork and Stork?  How about you give us some details about your expanding bellies please! 

Here's my update.  I am 20 weeks, 3 days today.  Half way there.  Half way through the 2nd trimester already!  Only about 139 more days to go.  Crazy.

I had my 3rd midwife appt yesterday.  It was short and sweet.  My uterus is now above my belly button and she recommended either removing my belly button ring in the next couple of weeks or getting a pregnancy ring.  We had a hard time finding Hazy's HB...but no worries because we could hear the placenta/cord loud and clear so everything is totally fine.  My midwife explained to me that when I listen on the doppler I should try to find the HB that has a harder click sound to it as opposed to the whoosh whoosh sound.  The harder click beat is the actual baby, the whoosh is either the placenta or the cord.  The baby powers the placenta and cord so if her heart stopped beating we wouldn't hear anything.  I now realize that I have pretty much been listening to the placenta every time I used the doppler.  Oh well.  At least everything appears to be good.

Insert boring story of going to a new Dr. (the fertility clinic wont see me anymore) to get my blood drawn to check my thyroid levels.  I have a low thyroid and the fertility clinic put me on meds about a year and a half ago to help me keep my levels in an ideal place to get pregnant.  Instead of just getting my blood drawn they made me actually make an appt with a Dr which was totally unnecessary and pissed me off.  Then they gave me a hard time about getting the flu shot which made me more pissed off.  Ok, that's it.  Told you it was boring.

B and I met with Mo, our Doula last Friday!  It was very casual, we met at a bar for drinks (for them, not me) and appetizers.  She just had some pretty basic questions for us and we talked for about two hrs about all sorts of stuff.  She is going through her doula training right now and we will be her 3rd and final birth that counts towards her certification.  I am going to trade her some Pilates sessions and we will pay her only $200!  I feel so lucky because seriously we can not afford to spend upwards of $1500 on a doula!  She told us we should start writing our birth plan, WTF?  Already?

So there is this girl that I am FB friends with but really I don't like her.  She has been in my life since I was a teenager and although I've tried over the years, she just gets under my skin.  We ended up going to college together and she became my arch nemesis.  I always felt like she was one upping me on everything I did.  I've let a lot of those feeling go in the last 12 years but she still manages to irritate me.  So guess who is the exact same amount pregnant as me?  Guess who has been flaunting updates and photos all over FB since day one of her (our) pregnancy?  Makes me want to scream.  I was hoping she was going to have another boy but no, she's having a girl this time.  I have been really anxious that she would announce that she is naming the baby Hazy's name but thank god she alluded to a P name.  (She has a P name as does her husband and son)  Full disclosure, I changed the true letter of their names to make them more anonymous, lol.  Anyway, I can now breathe a sigh of relief.

I am still anxiously counting down to our anatomy scan on the 14th.  I alternate from being so excited to see her after so long and being terrified that we will get bad news about something.

I have become a baby clothes addict.  I spend hours searching online for organic cotton footie pajamas on clearance sales.  I haven't spent a ton of money but B is trying to cut me off.  He is in the right because we are going to be getting so many hand me downs we wont know what to do with all of them.  It's just so fun to buy exactly what I want for MY baby!  I just like shopping in general.  I know there are several children's consignment stores around that have good quality brands.  I'm excited to go explore them.

Nothing else is really happening around here.  Work is work.  Sleeping sucks just about every other night.  I do have a Pilates Barre workshop I am going to take on Sunday.  It's all day from 9-5:30 so that should be fun but exhausting.  After that I will be an official certified Barre instructor, yay!

Alright, that's all for now.  I am posting my 20 week belly pic if you want to see.  There's a decent shot of my love handles.