Monday, October 28, 2013

IUI #6...maybe the last one?

On saturday I had my ultrasound to count follicles and check the sizes and lining of my uterus.  Lining looked good and she counted 8 follicles over the 15 mark (.15?)!!!  I usually have around three.  It was also only CD13 so having that many already that big was a little early.  Usually on CD12 or CD13 I still have a couple more days of POAS and waiting for a happy face on the OPK.

The nurse asked if I had already signed the risk of multiples release form (yes, I did several IUIs back) and said she needed to discuss with the Dr. on call to determine how to proceed.  She basically needed permission to go ahead with the trigger shot and IUI because I had so many mature follicles.

I got dressed and waited in the small waiting room in the back.  The nurse came out and said the Dr. knew I signed the form but they really needed to reiterate the high risk of multiples with this cycle.  She emphasized it could result in not just twins but triplets or worse more.  She asked me if I wanted to proceed.  I said "yes, let's do it!"   I figure I had 5 other IUIs that could have resulted in multiples and I never even got a BFP.  Why should this one be any different?  I just want to do this IUI (and possibly one more) and be done with them.  We will be thrilled for a BFP and even more excited if it is twins!  If its more than that I will be scared shirtless but at least I'll be pregnant, right?  And if I end up being octomom then we will just star in our own reality television show and we'll deal.

So after getting the trigger shot on Sat I had the IUI yesterday and it was all smooth and routine.  I was secretly happy that I got to sleep til 10am whilst my poor honey had to get up at the ass crack of dawn to drive to the clinic and jerk it...doesn't make up for half the shit I've had to put my body through but I'll take it.

I skipped a two hr dance class I had already paid for and I also decided not to go for my 4 mile run.  I made B walk the dogs and tried to take it easy the rest of the know, besides doing 17 loads of laundry and sweeping, mopping and dusting my entire house.  I also drank a couple cups of raspberry leaf tea...because you know that totally works right?! *sarcasm*  I was also a good girl and did not drink any wine and refrained from the siren's call from Mary Jane.  I'm so disciplined and a monk.

I am sure this is nothing and I'm just grasping at imaginary phantom signs or its just the fact that I had a speculum inserted into my vag canal and a catheter poking through my cervix (and a penis poking around in there later that night) or the fact that I have 8 juicy follicles that are being forced to release eggs....but I have been feeling little twinges in the ol' uterus/ovary area since yesterday through to this am.  Again, sure its nothing but if it continues I will start to get my hopes up.  Maybe, just maybe some of those 8 little eggs decide to fucking fertilize already!  Now we begin the TWW.

Ps.  I forced my husband to don a lollipop kid costume on Sat night so we could attend my friend's Wizard of OZ themed Halloween party.  He threw a tantrum about it and I was pretty sure we were going to get divorced but he sucked it up and we were a hit!

I look a little awkward and you cant really see my hair sticking up but that's the gist of it!

Friday, October 25, 2013

It's an exciting time to be an infertile!

Sorry for this boring post.  I have nothing remotely exciting to report.

I took my clomid wed-sun last week and had my FSH injection on tues afternoon.  I have been POAS every afternoon since this wed which was CD10.  I have an ultrasound tomorrow afternoon to see how many follicles are looking mature enough to count.  Sat will be CD13 and I would LOVE it if the follies looked big enough to get the trigger shot and come back for the IUI on Sunday...but that won't happen.  I will probably ovulate on Mon or Tues and will have to scramble and have a giant stress freak out to try to schedule the IUI on one of my two busiest work days.  Maybe my body will do me a solid and stall until wed.  I have a few hours on wed afternoon when I could easily stop in for a quick IUI and then be on my way.  Yes, at this point it is that casual.

In other IF related offenses my husband came home from work this week with the news I've been expecting.  His coworker announced that her wife is 12 weeks pregnant.  Back in Jan last year I talked to them at a party about how they were going to start TTC.  I've been waiting for their announcement since then and now its official, lesbians are getting pregnant with more ease and speed than we can.  I think its wonderful that they are able to have the family that they wish for but I can't even describe how frustrated I feel that I have tried 100 times harder and a million years longer and still have never gotten a BFP.  It leaves me feeling hopeless.

I am still so relieved my silly friends scheduled my BF's baby shower on the Sunday of thanksgiving weekend.  I feel a little bad because so many people are RSVPing "no" because of the holiday but so happy to have a legitimate excuse!  I will be in Minn. visiting my brother/sister in law and our two nephews.  I'm looking forward to it.  My sister in law is a dermatologist and makes a sickening amount of money for very little time spent at work (in my opinion).  They have a giant, gorgeous house overlooking a picturesque town on the St Croix river.  My brother in law gets to be a stay at home dad.  And I married an artist....anyway, there I go again being all bitter and judgmental.  I do really enjoy doing thanksgiving at their house.

I have been avoiding carving my pumpkin for Barren Betty's carving contest.  I said I was going to participate but I really dislike carving pumpkins so I might punk out.  I have been working on my lollipop kid costume though!  I had a party to go to but then it turned into a kids party that starts at 1pm so by the time I show up at 5 all the kids will be in full on tantrum mode and need to go home.  So that should be fun.  I'll post a pic of me in my costume next time.

Some shout outs to my IF peeps, first congrats to Jennifer Juniper on her BFP!  I am anxiously keeping my fingers crossed for Amanda at Beloved Burned Toast and holding my breath for Risa at Who Shot Down My Stork.  I am also excited to vicariously live through The Cork and Stork's upcoming transfer and hoping that maybe Sensitive Ginger's first IUI results in a BFP!  It's an exciting time to be an infertile,  am I right?  No?  It still sucks shit?  Yeah I guess you're right.

Til next time...

Disclaimer:  I read my post and saw a typo...somewhere there is a "there" that is supposed to be a "their".  I can't find it now...its driving me fucking crazy!  Please tell me where it is so I can fix it!!!

Nvmd....found it!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

This is me winning...officially a huge bitch.

The moment of sweet, sweet relief when you realize that the baby shower for your BF (that you should be co-hosting with other mutual BF but was not asked for obvious IF elephant in the room and instead some other chick is) was scheduled for the Sunday of Thanksgiving....and you will still be out of town and thus unavailable to attend with a killer excuse!  Winning! 

Saturday, October 12, 2013

To tat or not to tat?

I am 32 and have yet to have gotten a tattoo.  I know that's unthinkable in this day and age, everyone and their grandma have a tattoo or two.  It's not like I hate them or never wanted one.  I actually have always really wanted a tattoo but I never could decide on an image that meant enough to me.  The permanence of ink is a little intimidating to me.

I have piercings, including two facial piercings, but if I ever reach a point in my old age where I feel like I look ridiculous I will be able to just take them out and only have almost invisible white dots left.  Not a big deal.  (I really hope that day never comes...I'd love to be 80 and still rockin the lip ring!)

I thought about getting my dogs face tattooed on me after he died last year,  his image is one I would always like to carry with me and it would certainly have a lot of meaning behind it but can I really be that girl with the pit bull tattoo....sadly, I think not.  I have a different idea for a tattoo to honor my sweet pup but that's still in the works.

Right now I am thinking (really just contemplating) about the possibility of getting a (in)fertility related tattoo.  It definitely has meaning and regardless of whether I ever get PG or not it will always be something that I identify with.  I want to honor this time/aspect of my life and who I am in this moment and hopefully feel inspired when I look at it.  So here is my idea....something along the lines of this:

The development/life cycle of the blastocyst.  I think they look beautiful and they remind me of mandala style tattoos.  I also am attracted to anatomical type tattoos and this falls under that category.  I think they would look really amazing in shades of black/grey/white ink.  I have always thought that I would get a tattoo on my left inner forearm so that is where I am imagining them to be.  I think in a row starting with the first one closest to the inside of my elbow extending all the way down to the last one being at my wrist.  That means the whole length of my forearm would have ink!  That's a little ambitious for a first tattoo!  Of course B is totally against it...he thinks I will regret it.  He keeps saying that when I am old it will look terrible.  What 80 year old's tattoo doesn't look terrible I ask you?  So not only do I have to convince myself that this is what I want, I also have to convince B that this is a good idea.  I need input.  Is this a horrible idea or totally genius? WWAYIFD? (what would all you infertiles do?)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Sunshine Award!

Since I missed the Sept. ICLW (oops!) I now have time to finally take care of my TWO Sunshine Awards!  That's right, I got nominated twice thanks to Jennifer Juniper and Aislinn, so I think I will combine both nominations and answer all their questions at once!  Thank you ladies! 

The Sunshine Award is given to bloggers whose posts brighten your day. 
Here are the rules: 
1. Include the Sunshine Award icon in your post
2. Link to the person who nominated you. 
3. Answer 10 questions about yourself
4. Nominate 10 bloggers to receive the award
5. Link your nominees and let them know they've been nominated.

Questions from Aislinn:
1. If you could only listen to one band for the rest of your life, who would it be? 
Answer: Gah!  I am not even super obsessed with music and this is still a really hard question!  Probably Bob Dylan.  Or the Rolling Stones.  Or Elliot Smith.  Sorry, I just can't pick one.  

2. What is the scariest thing you've ever done? 
Answer:  Hmm, I guess I am not into doing scary things...I am not really an adrenaline junkie.  God, so far I suck at answering these questions, sorry!  Ok, maybe performing in my bra and underwear?  I was definitely super stressed out about it that's for sure! 
3. Do you have any piercings or tattoos? If so, show them off! 
Answer: No tattoos although I love them and want one.  I just don't know what I want!  I kind of really want a tat of my dog Amos who passed away last summer but then I would feel bad that I don't have a tat of my other dogs and plus I don't really think I am the Pit Bull tattoo type...  I do have seven piercing!  4 in my ears, 1 nose, 1 belly button and my favorite is my lip ring.  I have had my lip ring since right before I turned 20 and I don't see myself without it for a long time!  At some point I know it will be ridiculous for an old lady to have a lip ring but I plan on rocking it until then! 
4. What's the best concert you've ever been to? 
Answer:  Again, tough one!  I have been to some pretty amazing concerts!  I saw the Who with my dad at the Gorge Amphitheater  (which is a gorgeous place to see a concert!) the same week John Entwistle died.  I thought for sure they would cancel the show but they didn't.  I thought for sure it would be so sad and wasn't!  It was absolutely amazing and it was super fun to see it with my dad! 

5. What is your dream concert (musicians can be dead or alive.)
Answer:  Definitely Queen so I can drool over Freddie Mercury.  I  had a big time crush on him even though he was already dead and I knew he was gay.  It didn't matter.  Also Nirvana.  That would be epic.  

6. If you could visit anywhere in the world for a month with money being no worry, where would you go?
Answer: Probably Hawaii.  I know it sounds cliche but we went there last summer and it was the best trip of our lives!  Or Amsterdam....I love Amsterdam. 

7. What is your favorite food?
Answer:  I am going to go with cheese on this one. 

8. What is your favorite way to de-stress? 
Answer:  Honestly?  I smoke a little Mary Jane and go to a movement class of some hot yoga or a dance class.  I also like to walk my dogs.  

9. What do you think your best physical asset is? What would your significant say is your best physical asset? 
Answer:  Like in a sexual way?  I like my lips...he likes my ass!   Really I think my best physical asset is my strong core and healthy spine! 

10. If you could live in any other time period, when would you live? 
Answer:  Well, I guess I have to say late 60's but I also think the roaring 20's would be interesting!  

Questions from Jennifer Juniper:
1. What was your favorite vacation and why?
Answer:  Sorry to be repetitive, Hawaii!  Maui more specifically.  The perfect combo of relaxing and drinking mixed with exercise (from snorkeling) and adventure (from exploring so many beaches).  Plus I loved being practically naked and still feeling warm...that almost never happens where I live! 

2. What's your 1 piece of must-have clothing?
Answer:  This is so freakin hard.  I love clothes.  I am going to have to go with sweatshirt because as I mentioned above and probably thanks to my low thyroid I am always cold.  Or a bra...sadly I really can't get away with not wearing one.  

3. When you were young, how old did you think you'd be when you got married? Had kids?
Answer:  I thought I was going to be a prima ballerina when I was young so I think I thought I would get married at 35 and have kids after that.  Ha!

4. What is your favorite store ever?
Answer:  Value Village.  You never know what treasures await!

5. How many different cities have you lived in?
Answer:  Uh, I feel lame but only 2.  The town where I was born and raised and the town I have lived in since I was 16.  Not very exciting. 

6. What has been the most surprising thing in your life recently?
Answer:  Well I would say Infertility!  We were not expecting that!  My maternal grandmother had 12 children and my paternal grandmother had 5.  My mom had 5 kids.  It's always been a running joke about how fertile the women in my family are.  Also surprising was my parents giving us 80% of the money we need for IVF....that was shocking to say the least.  

7. What is your favorite type of candy?
Answer: I love chocolate.  I do not like fruity candy at all.  Wont eat it.  I love Reece's peanut butter cups the best! 

8. What hobby do you wish you were good at? Or wish you could learn?
Answer:  I used to play flute and was pretty good at it as a teenager.  When I moved to pursue dance at 16 I dropped the flute.  I really wish I could still play at the level I was when I quit.  I really regret quitting and I hope to pick it back up sometime soon.  

9. Do you have an obsession with anything? If so, what?
Answer:  I would say the closest thing I have to an obsession is my love of Pit Bulls!  I just love em!  They have the best faces and my heart just melts every dang time I see one.  I got to go to an event this summer called Pit Bulls on Parade where there were hundreds of Pit Bulls all over the place...I almost wet myself I was so happy.  Seriously I think I shed a few tears.  

10. If you had to have one meal every day the rest of your life, what would it be?
Answer: Risotto.   

I am nominating bloggers whose blogs I love to read and/or bloggers who have given me the most support/laughs since I started my blog!  (I did not include Jennifer Juniper or Aislinn since they nominated me...but I love your blogs too ladies!) 

My questions for you ladies are:

1)  What is your fantasy job/career?

2)  If you could change into any animal for 24 hrs what animal would you be and why?

3)  If you could take your significant other's personality and put it in the body of a famous person who would it be?

4)  What is your favorite TV show?

5)  If you could chose the gender of your baby what would it be?  And don't say "it doesn't matter as long as it's healthy."  Pretend you are going to the baby store and you get to pick from the girl  
shelf or the boy shelf.

6)  Tell me a secret.  About anything.

7)  If you could become a character in your favorite book what book would you choose and what character would you become?

8)  You win 10 million dollars...what do you do with the money?

9)  What is the one thing you want for xmas this year?  You can't say a BFP or a baby, that goes  without saying.

10)  The mountains, the desert or the beach?  For the rest of your life?