Monday, June 23, 2014

4 Weeks Left...

First off, am I the only one whose blog dashboard is only showing one post and then not loading anything else??  Seriously annoyed by that. 

So yesterday was officially 4 weeks til my due date.  Holy shit, you guys I can't believe it.  Like I really can't believe it.  I can't quite seem to wrap my head around the fact that the little wiggly being inside my belly is going to find her way out.  I don't feel prepared for that to happen to my body.  I haven't been nervous about the birth and I really still am not nervous simply because it just doesn't feel like it could really happen.  I have zero signs of it happening.  I haven't felt any Braxton Hicks in several months.  I haven't had leaking boobs.  I have had zero back/pelvic pain.  I am not waddling, I can still walk pretty much like a normal person.  I'm sure a lot can happen in the next 4 weeks but as of right now it feels like my body is not getting ready for the big vagina explosion.  Sorry, I like to refer to the birth as the vagina explosion to freak B out, ha ha!

I also can't believe that in several very short weeks I will not be pregnant and instead will have a little human that I am responsible for for the rest of my life!  I feel like it's been such an abstract idea for so so long and now that it's really going to happen I am just a little freaked out!  I just don't know how the reality of our plans will really work out.  Will our childcare plan to switch off between the two of us really work out the way we hope it will?  Will I be able to pump and will she be able to switch between breastfeeding and a bottle with out getting nipple confusion?  Will I really be able to integrate her into my nanny routine and be able to make that work?  Will B really be able to go to work at 5:30am, come home at 3pm and then deal with Hazy for another 6 hrs without me 3 days a week? 

I know that if we weren't dealing with all the house bullshit I would feel more prepared and settled.  I can't tell you how angry I am with our current land lords that they have fucked us like this.  I realize that giving us 6 months is a generous amount of time and I am truly grateful that we have that time on our side.  But I just can't forgive them for springing this on us right before our very first child is to arrive.  Not the time in your life when you want to be worried about where you are going to live.  I am so furious that for the last remaining weeks of my pregnancy (what might be my only pregnancy) instead of just enjoying my growing belly and focusing on getting mentally and emotionally prepared to meet my baby I am forced to have constant anxiety, worse insomnia than before, endless meetings with lenders and realtors, hours and hours searching for house listing on the internet and of course massive stress about money.  It's such bullshit. 

We made our first offer on a house that I really loved last Thursday.  We came in second so we lost.  The house wasn't the most amazing house in the world but I just could just picture us raising our family in it and the commute wouldn't have affected our lives very much at all.  I am still really bummed that the other people beat us by about 10K.  We even offered 10% over the asking price and then 10K beyond that.  The other people basically offered 15% over the asking price.  It is really frustrating how the market works here in Seattle.  It's super competitive and there are not very many houses in our price range that are in reasonable locations.  Basically if we are really stoked about a house you can bet there are at least 10 other people who are stoked on it and there will be a bidding war. 

We are all set with a realtor that we really like and we are meeting with another lender tonight to hopefully get all squared away with financing.  We started with one lender but then switched because this new guy can close super fast which makes any offer we make more desirable to the seller.  If the house is newly listed and we know there's competition then you have to pay for a pre inspection to make your offer more desirable too.  We paid $700 bucks last week for a pre inspection on the house we lost.  Wonderful.  Considering that we have been told to expect to lose the first 3-5 offers we make before we finally get a house, we can't blow $700 bucks every time we make an offer.  My new strategy is to look at houses that are about 25K out of our price range but have been on the market for over 60 days.  Obviously there isn't the same competition and we can make a lower offer that is in our price bracket.  If they agree to the offer then we pay for an inspection.  We'll see if my plan pays off.  Ugh, I am so sick of this already. 

We had our Doula come over on Friday evening and talked with her about what might help me in labor.  Basically I don't know.  I just have no idea what I will be feeling and what will make me more comfortable.  She really encouraged us to make a birth plan which we have been way too busy to really think about.  Later today I have an appointment with a naturopath who will hopefully become our family Dr and Hazy's pediatrician.  I hope I like her right away so I don't have to continue looking for someone else.  Tomorrow we have our first home visit with our midwife.  I am stressed about how she will react to my dogs.  They have a 5 minute freak out period when people come over.  They freak out when they hear someone at the door and then when the person enters the house they circle and sniff and jump up.  It's totally obnoxious and there's no way to get them to listen to commands because they are overcome with excitement.  It gives me anxiety. 

 I am hosting my sister's bachelorette party on Sat.  I spent last weekend shopping for penis paraphernalia.  We are kicking it off at my house and then going to a pole dance class and the male strip club.  I really hope it's fun and my sister has a good time.  I am feeling pretty distracted so I hope I can get my shit together and pull it off!  

Next weekend marks 37 weeks which means I am allowed to go into labor whenever and have a home birth!  So I just have to make it through the bachelorette party and the cost is clear, Hazy can arrive whenever she wants.  Oh. My. God.  The thought of her arriving in 7 days and everyone would be ok with it is mind boggling. 

How do I make this seem more real?

Ps. I posted a new belly pic...because I skipped my 34 week pic there is a month between the last two pics and wow, you can see a big difference!!!

Monday, June 16, 2014

Crazy Days...5 weeks to go!!!

Here's a quick an update.  We have thrown ourselves full gear into trying to buy a house.  We are crazy.  I can't even believe that as of two weeks and one day ago buying a house was something we were so sure we would never be able to do and was completely off our radar.  So strange how quickly things change....

Last week was a frantic panic of going to bank meetings and collecting all our paper work to get our pre approval letter for our home loan.  I think we really pulled our shit together as quickly as anybody possibly could have especially considering our work schedules and other commitments we have going on right now.  (Like birth class which I will get into later)  We met with one bank on Sat, another on Tues.  We filled out the paper work and collected all our documents on Wed. and then I went back to the bank and went through it all with them on Thurs.  We also squeezed in looking at a house we were interested in on Tues. (not the house for us).  We have been told by the bank that we will have our pre approval letter by the end of this week. 

Then this weekend we went to 4 open houses and fell in love with a house.  We were thinking because we didn't have our pre approval letter in hand that we wouldn't be able to bid on the house by the offer review date (Thurs) but it turns out that might not be the case.  B's aunt has a really good friend who is a realtor in our area and we talked with her several times on Sunday night.  She is all over it.  She is shopping our pre approval around to other lenders to see if we can get a better interest rate and she is meeting us at the house tonight to have a private tour and to give us her opinion on the property and neighborhood.  I am really interested to hear what she has to say about it.  She also set up a pre inspection that is going to get done on Wed. so if she tells us that it's a solid house for a good price then we will bid as much as we can and hope we are the more desirable buyers.  She said there has been a lot of interest in in the house (no wonder cause it's a sizable house with an amazing yard, in a decent location, for a good price) but no one else has done a pre inspection. 

B's parents are practically forcing us to accept down payment money from them and I've had a hard time coming to terms with it.  I know it makes them really happy to see us using the money to buy a house and I know that they don't need that money for anything else but it makes me uncomfortable and I feel shity that we can't do this on our own.  It makes me feel like a loser and a spoiled brat.  B has no problem with it.  At first they were saying it was a loan and we could pay them back however we were comfortable with but then I pointed out to everyone that they would be 100 years old by the time we paid them back and we would be constantly broke between our mortgage and repaying our debt.  Then the money turned from a loan into early inheritance.  Since both parents and B seem to be happy with this arrangement I am trying to suck up my own insecurities and just be grateful and appreciative. 

On top of all that we started our birth classes last week.  Our class is two and a half hrs on Tues nights until after my due date.  The woman teaching it is a world famous guru Doula named Penny Simkin.  She has written a couple books including The Birth Partner.  She is a crack up in class so far.  She makes jokes and is pretty entertaining.  There are a lot of couples in our group and it will be interesting to see if we get to really know any of them.  I still have the infertility chip on my shoulder and tend to want to steer clear of pregnant ladies (why wont that go away??) so I tend to avoid eye contact and small talk.  We'll see what happens.

Because the last class falls two days after my due date they encouraged me to attend to previous session's last class in case I go into labor early and have to miss it.  So we went to the class on Thurs.  It was a breast feeding class and it was pretty informative.  B and I were both so overwhelmed with 5 hrs of birth/breastfeeding classes and all the house stuff we were just exhausted.

We also had a midwife appt. on Thurs before our breastfeeding class.  I am measuring about a week ahead again and everything else looks good.  Hazy appears to be doing great!  My midwife felt her and said she is guessing that she weighs between 4 1/2 to 5 lbs and if I go late she might be up to 8 1/2 lbs!!!  Do you remember all that bull shit about her being a small baby?  I ordered our home birth supplies kit and B is ordering the labor tub.  I just set up an appt with a naturopath pediatrician for next Monday.  She also treats the whole family so I am going to ask her about the TDAP shot and the group B strep swab.  I'd like to avoid both but have the feeling I will get coerced into doing them.  I have two friends who go to this Dr. and love her so I feel good about that.  Plus I liked her picture on the website.  That is how you pick someone, right?

As if that wasn't enough my dance students had their dress rehearsal on Fri evening and 2 shows on Saturday.  That marks the end of the year until Sept. so I am now not teaching on Mon/Tues nights which is sad for my bank account, makes me very happy!  I won't be going back to teaching there until the middle of Oct. when Hazy will be about 11-12 weeks old.

This weekend was also the graduations of two of my sisters.  One from University and one from high school.   I didn't get to attend either but they both understood. 

Saturday was also my birthday....33.  Blah.  During the second recital my boss told the entire audience of 200 plus people that it was my birthday and they all sang me happy birthday while I stood there looking like an idiot.  The highlight of the day was when I got home and opened my gift from B.  He got me the petunia pickle bottom diaper bag that I told him I wanted 6 weeks ago.  I didn't think he would get it because of the price and then the whole housing situation happened and I intended to tell him to skip it because we cant afford it right now.  I forgot to tell him though and he actually got it!  I LOVE it!  I want to start using it now as my purse but I feel silly doing that until Hazy arrives. 

Only 5 more weeks until my due date!  This shit is getting real.  I am trying to do my keagals and squats.  We have done one session of perineal massage.  That was not sexy friends.  B thought it was going to be sexy and we quickly realized that it couldn't be farther from a sexy fun time.  We haven't done it since but we really need to make it a priority.  Awkward and uncomfortable as it may be it's better than ripping the ol' vag during the birth.  I like to call the perineal massage "Vaginal stretching" because it makes B squirm.  It's funny. 

Ok, I think I have purged my crazy thoughts for the moment so that's it for now! 

Monday, June 9, 2014

My landlords are fucking liers.

I will try to be brief because I'm writing this in my phone and typing with one finger is no bueno.

We have rented an amazing house for the last four years.  We love everything about it.  Here's a list of reasons why its perfect for us

1) its a cute house that meets our space requirements with just a little extra.

2) has a fenced yard that's perfect for the dogs

3) AMAZING location!  Easy to commute everywhere I work, so close to B's work he walks to work and back everyday!

4) There are a million amenities one block away.  An upscale outdoor shopping mall with tons of stores and restaurants. It also includes a grocery store and a pharmacy.  Oh, and our pet food store.  And my bank.  And my mechanic.

5) Its a safe area and the neighborhoods offer a gorgeous dog walk.

6) great schools

7) our rent has been off the charts cheap considering the location of the house and its size/condition.  Its a steal.

Basically our situation there has been paradise in the heart of the city and we always felt like it was just too good to be true.

In Feb we sent the landlords to an email telling them we were pregnant and would be having a baby in July.  They were excited and sent us a really nice email back saying that they loved having us as tenents and had no plans of doing anything with the house in the foreseeable future and we should be able to rent for years and years to come.  That's a direct quote from their email.

We breathed a huge sigh of relief and have spent the last 5 months preparing to have our daughter's first years happen in this house.  Everything from getting her room looking gorgeous to making childcare plans based on that location being our home base.

Last Sunday evening I got an email from the know where this is going.  They need to take over possession of the house due to "family issues".  They are giving us 6 months which is the only good news in this shity situation.  We are in complete shock and literally feel sick to our stomachs.  Last Monday I cried all day and had to force myself to eat because I really thought I was going to vomit.  We got the email 7 weeks before my due date.....7 fucking weeks!!!!

I'm at the peek of nesting and feeling so ready, so prepared for this baby and now we don't have our perfect house??? Are you fucking joking?  This is a complete game changer on so many different levels.

We have two dogs, one a pit bull.  Nobody wants to rent to you when you have a pit bull.  Seriously no one.  It took me 10 months of constant searching to find the house we have now.  And we got super lucky.

No matter where we go it will be a giant downgrade...a downgrade in location and convenient commutes.  A downgrade in walkability to groceries/restaurants/coffee shops/bank/pet store, etc.

B will have to drive to work and that leaves me without a back up car which has come in handy several times (like two weeks ago when I had two flat tires in 4 days).  We will pay more for gas if he has to drive to work and if our commute times are longer then they are now...which is going to happen.

Rent is going to go up.  Way up.

So we have spent the last week trying to figure out what to fucking do.  At this point we are pursuing the option of buying a house.  Its crazy.  Never in a million years would I ever have imagined trying to get a home loan and a real estate agent and trying to buy a house 6 weeks before I have this baby.  We were totally unprepared to buy a house.  We've talked about it and decided we can't afford what we want in the location we want so we have continued to rent.

We found out our credit scores have gotten better than they used to be and we got pre-pre approved for a home loan at my bank.  My in laws are insisting we take money from them for a down payment.  Technically it would be a loan and we would pay them back but the reality is we wouldn't be able to pay then back until they are in their nineties so that's a joke.

I'm having a hard time accepting the money knowing that we can't afford mortgage payments and make regular payments to them.  Its easier for B because they are his parents and I do think they honestly don't care about us paying them back.  His dad said to just think of the money as an advance on B's inheritance.  I just feel so shity that we can't do this on our own and have to rely on a handout to make buying a house a reality.  I was in tears about it yesterday.

We are meeting with another credit union tomorrow and a mortgage broker on wed so we should know more then.

I can't believe I'm dealing with this stress and my Hazy is due in 6 weeks.  Fuck you asshole landlords.  My mother said she's making voodoo dolls for you so you better watch your back.