Beta

Don't get excited.  I haven't had a blood draw yet.  Unfortunately Mon/Tues are two of my busiest work days and the clinic didn't have any early morning appointments so my beta is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon at 3pm.  What sucks about that is because it's so late in the day I wont get results until Thurs.  Boo!  :( 

I am worried.  Of course.  I don't have any nausea and really only my nips are sensitive.  I have no issues with food or smells.  I haven't been exhausted.  I do have little twinges from the uterus/ovary area still.  Not cramps but something happening.  I read it's my uterus stretching.  I already feel like I cant engage my abdominals as well as I normally can (something I do all the time for teaching dance and pilates) and I feel fat/bloated.  I already had a little tummy roll and now I feel like I need to wear lose shirts.  Crazy. 

I tried to be really mellow when I was teaching last night and tonight.  I teach a couple of Ballet classes and pointe, Modern, Jazz, Jazz/tap combo and a little kids hip hop class.  Ballet doesn't worry me so much until we get to jumping and then I get paranoid.  I am worried I did too much teaching my hip hop class and modern with all the jumping around and rolling...I am just scared I am going to start bleeding!  I know exercise is good and recommended but I am just scared.  Maybe I will feel better when I get good beta results?

One really annoying thing that has been continuing is my insomnia.  I am usually a really good sleeper.  Out in 5 minutes and sleep through the night even when my dogs and husband get up and make noise.  Not anymore.  It started last wed night before I tested and found out that I am pregnant.  I woke up with my mind racing, thinking about if I was pregnant or if I wasn't pregnant.  And if I was how I would tell people and when.  And when I would tell work and stop working and then when I would go back to work.  Wondering if it was one baby or twins or more?  And if I wasn't pregnant what would our next steps be and etc, etc, etc.   Then Thurs I slept better but then Fri the insomnia was back and has continued since.  And I am talking for like at least 2 hours I am lying completely wide awake.  It sucks.

I have already told my sister who is next in line after me.  She is two years younger.  I really only told her because she is scheduling her wedding and if this pregnancy is actually for real and is sticking around then my due date is only 4 days before her scheduled wedding.  She has been having a hard time booking the venue and hasn't put any money down on it yet so I wanted to let her know so if she wanted to change the date she could.  She does want to push it back to later in Aug. or even Sept. so I am glad I told her now.  It's also kinda fun to have somebody in on our secret.  Pending how betas go, we may or may not tell my husbands mom and brother over Thanksgiving.  I know it's super early to tell people but it's our only chance to tell them in person and B REALLY wants to tell them.  I am hoping I can get an ultrasound to see the fetal pole and heart beat on the Wed. before thanksgiving and then I will feel a little better about telling them so soon.  My nurse left a message saying ultrasound at 7 weeks so I might have to fight with them to get one at 6 weeks, 3 days.  I just hope we even get to that point!  

As for the rest of my family I am cooking up plans of telling them on Christmas.  We will be at my parents house and all my sisters will be there.  I will be 10 and a half weeks at that point (if we make it there!)  and almost done with my first trimester.  I think my mom (and my sisters) might be more mad than happy because I didn't tell her right away but I think it will be entertaining none the less!  My mom always claims to be psychic so I can't wait to hear her say "I just knew it!"  even though she's lying through her teeth.  That's her classic line after the fact.  I am thinking about announcing that B and I have thought a lot about it and decided to not do IVF in May as planned and possibly wait until after my sisters wedding.  Then when everyone is like "WHY???" I will say "well, a couple of reasons but I guess the main reason is because we are already pregnant!"  Cue cheers and screams of joy all around. 

Anyway, I hate that I jump ahead weeks and months when this could all be fleeting.  I am constantly reminded of the fragility of this moment so don't think I have just skipped right over into "now my life is perfect!" land.  It is just so damn hard to not get excited and start thinking about the future.  I do this with everything in my life, work situations, vacation plans, all sorts of jumping ahead of myself.  

Should I pee on a HPT in the morning before I do my beta?  I think I will because I have them.  Unfortunately it's the one that just says pregnant so I wont be able to compare lines.  If it still says pregnant I will feel a little relieved and if it says not pregnant then I guess I will be prepared for bad news.  Ok, I am avoiding taking a shower so I gotta go.  I'll post again as soon as I get the beta results!