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| My Play Dough egg and sperms that I made at work. |
Here's a captivating mid cycle update for you:
Took Clomid CD 3-8 (first cycle on Clomid) Aug.20-24
Got a FSH shot on CD 9 (first one I have ever had) Aug. 25
Started peeing on OPKs on CD 10 Aug. 26
Ultrasound on CD 12 - Aug. 28th - Right side had two biggish follicles, both 17.5 (they were right on top of eachother) and one smaller 13.5 folly. Left side had a few that were smaller. Lining looked good. Nurse thought I wouldn't ovulate for several more days.
Ultrasound scheduled for CD 15, Sat. at 10:15 am. Unless I get a positive on the OPK before then. If not then I will have the ultrasound and then probably get a trigger shot and then have my 5th IUI on Sunday which will be CD 16.
Once again the timing has magically worked out so I can squeeze all the appointments into my schedule. It's about to get harder because I am going to start teaching dance again after Labor day. I wont have as many free afternoons to schedule things.
Clomid hasn't been terrible to me, thank god! The most noticeable side effect was hot flashes. I am always cold and really don't get overheated very easily (thank you low thyroid!) but the last week I have been clamy and had some sweaty hot flashy moments. I definitely was moody and depressed but that's not new. I could also have been feeling more melancholy because I was kind of expecting to be taking a break from all the drugs and IUIs while we moved on to preparing for IVF. I was looking forward to that break but it's OK. I am ok to just power through a couple cycles of Clomid and FSH shot and a few more IUIs in hopes of avoiding IVF altogether. And if it isn't successful then I will still have peace of mind that we really did try everything and exhaust all our other options. At that point I will get my break before IVF anyway.
I have had a couple of moments recently of realizing how much blogging in this community has helped my mental state. I started blogging on May first after a few weeks of stalking all your blogs. After contacting Teresa at Where the bleep is our stork? and exchanging a few emails, she really encouraged me to start my own blog. I am beyond grateful that she pushed me to be brave. At that point I was really struggling emotionally. I felt like no one in my life understood what I was going through and I felt so incredibly lonely and sad. I felt disconnected from my friends and family and the isolation was killing me. I really felt like I was going crazy and needed therapy. It was rough.
Back around that time I wrote an email to my sisters co-worker, someone I have met at parties a few times, who is going through her own fertility struggles. I was just trying desperately to connect with someone in my situation. Something was wrong with the email address and the long email I wrote to her never got sent. I saw her recently at my sister's birthday and told her I tried to write to her. She basically knew the context of my email and was very receptive about communicating with me and gave me her correct email address before she left. I still haven't emailed her. I am sure I will at some point but my point is I don't feel so desperate. I don't feel like I need to recruit fellow infertile comrades to my pity party. I have you guys! Awww. Don't you feel special and important? But truly, you should feel that way because it's real.
When I was at my fertility clinic yesterday I picked up a flyer for a IF support group. I read it and put it back. In that moment I realized that blogging has really saved me...back in may I would have been all over that support group. Now I just don't feel like I need it. I feel connected to all your stories and struggles and I feel like your comments really make me feel like you all got my back. It makes me feel calmer knowing I have a group of amazingly strong ass women who totally understand what I am going through. You listen to my whining, complaining, ranting, ambivalence and darkest fears. I am so appreciative of your comments, advise, commiserating and encouragment!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Ok, maybe the Clomid is effecting me. This turned into a super mushy post.
Bring on the mush! I feel the same way. A few months ago I felt lost and alone, but since joining the blogging community and starting yoga I feel SO much better. I am going to the support group anyway, but I don't feel desperate about it anymore.
ReplyDeleteScheduling is tough. So glad it worked out nicely for you.
Is your support group through our clinic??
DeleteDitto that! So grateful to have met you and everyone else in this blogging community. It's pretty amazing how strangers with a common thread can bond virtually,
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you this weekend! Hope one of those spermies finds its place. Oh, and sweet play dough. :)
What I like do much about blogging is that you can create your own focus group. I'm selective about who I follow and chose to follow bloggers with a situation similar to mine and those who I think are cool people that I would want to friend in real life. My friend put me in touch with her friend who experienced infertility pains, but adopted 6 years ago. While she could relate to a lot, her perspective was much different than when you're still in the trenches. Sometimes she also came accross really condescending, which really pissed me off, but if someone does that on a blog -you can just delete their comment and don't have to face them in person
ReplyDeleteHa! I love that attitude! Just delete em!
DeleteAww what a sweet post. <3
ReplyDeleteLove the play dough!! Hahaha!
Glad Clomid is not treating you *too* bad! :)
Thanks, I told the little girl I was doing play dough with that those were "tadpoles", he he.
DeleteLove the play dough too! So glad Clomid wasn't awful to you. Im praying for your cycle! I feel the same way about this community. Without blogging I would still feel lost and isolated. I depend on all of your support and having a place to just spew forth emotions and information about follicles and uterine linings and get actual supportive feedback is so necessary!
ReplyDeleteI know! Cause nobody else cares about that stuff! Lol, their just like "have sex every day"...right.
DeleteI'm glad to hear that Clomid hasn't been too bad for you, I've heard some horror stories about it! Just so you know, as much as you feel like we've helped you, you've helped us too. That's what so awesome about this blogging community, the help, listening and love go both ways!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Aislinn!
DeleteGlad the clomid hasn't affected you too much. My first cycle on clomid wasn't too bad either. It was the second cycle that really got me, but I think it was because I had so many other emotions to sort through at that time as well.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you joined our blogging community, I think you are a cool chick and I love reading your updates :) Good luck with this cycle!!
Great, now I'm dreading my next cycle on clomid, ha ha!
DeleteAwe, thanks for the shout out. I knew that you would get the support you needed through blogging. I often think back to those first comments and emails I received from you on my blog... it is amazing how many similarities there are between us! Thank you for having the courage to start this blog and for allowing us into your journey. You are not alone!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Clomid... so many memories... So glad you decided to start blogging! Isn't Teresa just the best? ;) The kindness of this blogging community is amazing. Wishing you the best this cycle!
ReplyDeleteThanks Risa! Teresa is the best! :)
DeleteI am on the same page as you about being a part of this blogging community... although I stalked posts for a lot longer than you did! Once I finally started blogging and responding to people I felt like I wasn't so alone. Hopefully this IUI will be IT for you! FX!!!
ReplyDeleteGod I hope so! Thanks!
ReplyDelete