Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Hello ICLW! (did I do it right? I hope so!)

Assuming I followed the directions correctly you probably found me through the ICLW.  I'm not very good with the tech computer stuff so I hope I didn't screw it up!

I hope you poke around my blog and read every last juicy detail about me and my battle for a baby but here is a quick overview:

Met my husband when I was 17.  We didn't date until my 21st birthday.  We were a hot item for 7 long years before we got married in Aug. 2009.

By then we had 2 dogs who we treated like children.

He is a visual artist and I am a dancer/pilates instructor/nanny.

We started TTC in Aug. 2010 and thought we would be pregnant shortly after.  We were so excited!

Nothing happened.  After a year I started to get concerned.

Since then I have done:

Weekly acupuncture appts.  for 10 months.  Loved it but had to stop because it was too expensive and not working.

Started seeing a specialist at a fertility clinic

Learned I have a slightly low thyroid and was put on meds.  Been on that for almost a year and a half.

Learned I probably have endometriosis and that is probably the cause of our infertility.  Husband checks out fine.

One of our dogs get cancer and on top of all my fertility appts. I add visits to the vet, doggie oncologist and surgeon to my hectic schedule.  I am absolutely broken hearted and terrified!  Life so beyond stressful.   Dog has multiple surgeries including an amputation of right front leg and scapula.  We hope for the best. 

Endometriosis cause polyps in my uterus so I had surgery in July 2012 to remove over 20!   Dr. now thinks there is a good shot we can get pregnant on our own so off we go to get busy.

Nothing happens.

Dog heals from amputation but cancer spreads and he declines rapidly.  We have to put him to sleep on Aug. 18th 2012.  The life gets sucked out of me and I am so sad, angry and having such a hard time trying to cope.  Pretty much my darkest moment.

Still TTC with no results.

I break my foot in Nov. 2012 while teaching a dance class.  Now I have to add orthopedic Dr. visits, physical therapy and therapeutic massage to my list of appts.  I was in a boot for 2 months which was challenging for all my jobs teaching dance and pilates.  I was also rehearsing for a big dance project and didn't want to quit so again life was stressful and emotional.

I convince my husband that the only way for me to be happy again is to either get pregnant or get another dog.  We obviously are incapable of the first one so we adopt a puppy in Jan 2013.  

March 2013 we finally get back into the fertility clinic to figure out why the hell we haven't gotten pregnant yet.  Dr. wants me to take Letrozole/Femara and try IUIs.  We decide to do 2 months of just letrozole and then add IUIs for the 3-6 cycles.

Nothing happens.

This brings us to now.  Just had a consultation with my Dr. yesterday.  Before moving onto IVF she wants us to switch to Clomid and do 2 or 3 more IUIs.  She also wants to add FSH injections on day 9 of my cycle.  So that's the plan.  I started Clomid yesterday.

I am happy that there is something else to try before IVF is our only option.  I am a little sad that I am not getting to take a break from all this for a few months like I thought was going to happen.  I had big plans of getting back into my regular running routine and going to hot yoga.  That is just impossible when you are doing IUIs.  Every TWW I get too paranoid that exercise is stressing my body out just enough to deny an embryo to implant.  I know it's stupid but we are paying a lot of money to make this happen and I don't want to wonder if it's not working because I went for a run.

I am not the most positive person.  I always jump to the worst conclusion.  It's just how I cope.  My blog consists of a lot of complaining and whining.  I swear, I rant, I talk shit about people I love.  It's a place for me to be honest about my feelings and try to sort through the emotional baggage this TTC journey is causing me.  If this sounds remotely like something you would like to read then I hope you follow my blog!  




23 comments:

  1. I'm so happy you decided to participate in ICLW! I didn't know about your dog in 2012, I'm so sorry that happened. I hope that trying Clomid is just the kick in the pants your body needs and you'll get pregnant this cycle. I love your swearing, ranting, shit talking self and your blog <3

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    1. Thank you Aislinn! I don't know how clomid will be any different from letrozole (letrozole was doing it's job and giving me good lining and several good sized follies) but the FSH injection is something new and my Dr. said that the stats are most people get pregnant after 3-6 IUIs. I have had 4 so I'm crossing my fingers our BFP is right around the corner!

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  2. Praying for a BFP soon for you guys. I can not imagine losing my dog in the midst of everything else. I'm sorry you had to even go through that. Hoping the Clomid does the trick!

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    1. Thanks, It was traumatic especially since it was the first dog I have had to put to sleep and he was my soul mate. Maybe my baby will be his reincarnation!

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  3. Heyyyy girl heyyyyy.

    You know I LOVE SWEARING AND RANTING.

    Furthermore, I feel good about the Clomid (any tricky side effects yet?) and if IVF is where you end up (and you won't, you won't) it's not nearly as bad as it sounds. Wouldn't make money as a spa treatment, but the thinking about it part is SO much worse than the actual doing.

    All my appendages crossed!

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    1. Hi my love! I have only been on Clomid for three days and so far so good. Not sure if the side effects happen just on the days you take it or for the whole cycle? I keep waiting for a massive headache or for me to suddenly go postal on someone for no reason. Nada. Thanks for saying IVF isn't so bad...I always think the anticipation is 10X worse than the reality!

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  4. Hi there again! Another couple things in common... My husband broke his ankle last year (totally no fun and not expected in the 1st year of marriage) and I'm also a dog lover. We have a ~9 year old Australian shepherd, named Chile.

    Really hope your next IUI is the one!

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    1. Awww! You have an old Aussie shepherd??? We have a 10.5 yr old Aussie mutt mix! My husband adores her to death and is dead set on getting an Australian Cattle dog next time around. I think breaking your ankle is worse than the foot...totally not fun.

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  5. I've got the broken finger so I can totally relate to what an inconvenience that can be. Hoping your next cycle is the one!

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    1. Thank you! Sorry about your finger, that stinks!

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  6. I lost my cat that I was closest to out of my three in the middle of my IF journey with my ex, so I understand how hard that is. :-(

    I am completely up for ranting and raving, so I'm glad I found you...happy ICLW and welcome!

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    1. I am so sorry about your kitty! It is THE WORST time to go through something like that. When you feel like you're being denied something so important and then your favorite fur baby gets taken from you...it just doesn't make sense. Yay for more ranting and raving in your future ;)

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  7. I remember that pissed off feeling SO WELL (still have it sometimes) - it sucks. And my fur babies are everything to me, so big big hugs to you.

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    1. Thank you, I feel like not everyone understands how much of a loss it really is.

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  8. Hello!

    I like the jobs part the most. About as unusual as ours lol.

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  9. Yay for joining ICLW! I totally forgot to join this month- but, then again, I am not sure people want to read a blog about not TTC or accepting this infertile shit. LOL!

    Have fun with ICLW- I loved it!

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    1. Girl, people love your blog, don't trip! Your perspective/process is very insightful and interesting.

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  10. TTC is so stressful already even without all those other appointments that you had to have. But then it'd be extra stressful with what happened to your dog and your foot. I am glad you have this place to rant and whine. :)

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  11. Hi and hugs from another first time ICLWer! I hope your journey will get smoother, SOON!

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  12. Wow, 20 comments on one post, I guess you did something right. :D

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    1. Ha! Well almost half are from me replying but thanks! :P

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  13. I totally get the part about not being positive. It is hard to be positive when negativity is part of infertility. It is called a BFN for a reason:)

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