Sunday, April 6, 2014

Are you really still reading my blog?

Well, I have very little to say..and that's good right?  I am 25 weeks today.  Everyone keeps asking me how I feel, probably because my belly is getting more gigantic everyday.  I went to a baby shower last Sunday for a woman who is 34 weeks pregnant and I swear I was almost as big as her!  I kinda felt like I was that douche wearing white at someone elses wedding.

I have very little to complain about.  I don't have stretch marks (yet), I don't have hemorrhoids (yet), my breasts feel pretty much back to normal, I'm sleeping fairly well at night, I have energy during the day, I am not excessively emotional or moody and even my weight gain has slowed (thank god).  It's so strange to me that for a feat that was so difficult to get started, once it finally did its been so mild and easy.  OK, you can totally punch me in the vagina right now, I realize that's the last thing some of you want to hear but I'm just trying to be honest.  Getting pregnant sucked balls big time but being pregnant is apparently something I do incredibly well.  Who knew?

I have had a couple Pilates sessions with my Doula so far and its been good to get to talk with her and get to know her more.  I told her that I'm writing in my birth plan that I'm giving birth fully clothed because I'm so embarrassed at how much cellulite is now covering my thighs and ass.  I guess I'll take the cellulite over stretch marks but wow, it's a dimple masterpiece down there.  I was looking at my belly pics and realized that there's a giant difference in the size of my ass from the first picture at week 6 to the last one I just posted at week 24...GIANT difference.  I have been trying to take a 3 mile walk around this beautiful lake several times a week with the baby I nanny.  The weather still gets in the way though. On Friday I chose to skip the walk and eat a donut instead.  Sigh.

So the latest news is that we found out that the birthing center that we were interested in using is out of our insurance's net work.  We have out of net work coverage but the deductible is so insanely high we will never meet it.  That means that if we want to have the baby at the birth center we have to pay 3K out of pocket.  That means that we are having a home birth!  I am actually super excited about it.  My four sisters were born at home so it feels normal and comfortable to me.  B was nervous and uncomfortable with the idea which is why we were looking into a birthing center but he has warmed up to it over the last several months and there is no way he wants to cough up the 3K just to have a home birth not at home!!!  Basically we are too poor to not have a home birth.  My only issue is that our dogs don't drive everyone crazy.  I guess everyone will have to deal.

On Tuesday we have a midwife appt.  B gets to go to this one because I was able to schedule it in the evening after he gets off work.  He hasn't gotten to go to them since the first one.  I feel like every time I have an appt. I have nothing to talk about.  Well this time I have a list of questions to ask about.  A long list!  This is also our first appt. since the anatomy scan so it's a good one for B to attend because our midwife will go over all of it with us again.  I guess now we can add discussing what we need to do to prepare having the baby at our house, yikes!  

My sister is getting my invites ready to send out for my baby shower.  I'm super excited about it!  It won't happen without it's fair share of family drama (my mother wants to help plan but my sister doesn't want to pick up the phone and call her so my mom is feeling left out and hurt) but if need be I will throw a "I'm pregnant and everything needs to go MY way!" tantrum.  Since the invites are going out I had to sit down and finish up my baby registry.  I spent a couple hours doing that yesterday.  Most of the items are small odds and ends but there's sooooo many of them!  Thinking about all that stuff coming into the house and needing to find space is totally overwhelming. 

I just did a rough draft of our taxes.  Yeah, I'm aware that it's April 6th.  I am a huge procrastinator.  Especially when I know it's gonna be bad news.  This year we owe just over 2K.  Fuuuuuuuuuuck.  Although I am finally an employee at all my jobs (I was an independent contractor for many years), two of them don't take out federal income tax and another one I'm filed as a 1 when I should be filed as a 0.  I want to cry.  Basically all I have in my Maternity leave savings account that I've been working on is 2K so now I have no money for Maternity leave.  I knew this was coming and I was expecting it but it's still a blow.  B is taking it remarkably well this year.  Every year even though we know we will owe he freaks out when he finds out how much but this time he has already moved on.  He said we have bigger stuff going on so we just need to pay it and focus on everything else.

Our bathroom ceiling was about to cave in on our heads due to a slow leak from the fan vent.  Our landlord has spent the last 4 mornings in our bathroom doing the repairs.  As we only have the one bathroom this seriously puts a wrench in my pooping schedule.  It stresses me out.  He came over again today and will be back on Tues.  I am praying he is done by the middle of the week.  Because of the ceiling needing to be repainted when it's all repaired we are also going to repaint the whole bathroom.  Not something we really needed to add to our list of preparations before baby but I guess it will be nice to have it look a little brighter/cleaner.  B is going to do all the painting while I go visit my mom and dad next weekend.  My mom is thrilled to have me come visit and go through all the baby clothes she has pulled out of the attic for Hazy.

I'm sorry everything I have to write about is basically baby related.  I assume that anyone who is bothered by it has checked out long ago.  And that is totally fine, I get it.  I remember very clearly when I first started reading IF blogs that I avoided any blogs where the blogger was already pregnant or already had a baby.  It was too painful and I couldn't share the joy with that person.  I was only able to relate to the women still deep in the pit of despair and misery.  That's what I needed to read to feel like I wasn't alone in this shit storm.  Once a blogger got pregnant after I got to know a her and felt like I was a witness to her IF struggle I was happy for her (it of course still stung) and able to continue following her journey.  But I am sure there are plenty of women who cant do that.  I just feel bad only writing about baby stuff but honestly I'm not doing a whole lot in my life except being pregnant and preparing to have this baby join our family.  I wish I had fabulous things to write about like amazing vacations and crazy nights out on the town or something but none of that is happening over here.  Just a whole lot of paying Uncle Sam my maternity leave savings and washing other people's used baby clothes.  Anyway, if you are still following along listening to my ramblings, know that I appreciate it!

On our beach trip last was COLD but it didn't rain the whole time!


  1. I didn't do my taxes yet either...

    That's the thing that kinda sucks about pregnant blogging in IF world. Like, what do you talk about? Sometimes I feel guilty, and I know that I'm blogging less, which is annoying. But it was winter. And I've basically just been sitting around being pregnant. And truth be told, once I got pregnant, I started enjoying the blogs of pregnant IF'ers just to compare my experiences with theirs. So I guess basically I'm saying, I'm still here and reading and finding you interesting!

    I'm really glad to hear you're having a good pregnancy and that so far things are going smoothly. I have to admit, I do not love being pregnant at all, which totally threw me for a loop! I figured I would looooove it, probably because I wanted it for so long. I feel fat and gross and I'm usually in pain. But, when I feel her move, it's just worth it and I don't even care.

    Ugh, that sucks about your maternity leave fund, but you'l figure something out. I'm still clueless what we're going to do because it appears that we can't defer my student loans, which is what I was counting on. Blah.

    When is your shower??! Mine is May 17th and I'm very, very excited. I think I'll probably just be in tears the whole day.

    1. Holy shit, my shower is may 17 too!!!! I'm sorry you don't love being pregnant, I am enjoying it just because it has been comfortable...up til now at least! Glad you are still reading and I always look forward to your updates too :)

  2. I still enjoy your writing and your honesty and it's refreshing to hear about an IF'er having an easy pregnancy. At times I feel that since getting pregnant (and for me getting past week 6) has been such a challenge, everything else will be hard and I'm imagining having the most high risk pregnancy ever! Love your plan to give birth fully clothed

  3. I'm so glad you are having a smooth pregnancy! I feel guilty about writing about only pregnancy related things too, but my life is pretty boring nowadays... I enjoy reading your updates and I'm glad you're still writing :)

  4. Of course I'm still reading! Even before I was pregnant I liked to know how it might be on the other side. Bummer about the taxes, but good that the home birth is a cheaper alternative. Hoping my husband (and family) come around to the idea as well.

  5. I'm still reading! All I have to talk about is babies. Master we worked so freakin hard to get here!

    1. Master I don't know what was autocorrected haha

  6. I'm still reading! I'm kind of jealous about you having a home birth. It's something I've wanted for a long time, but K isn't comfortable with it (especially for our first child,) so we're compromising with a (hopefully) natural birth in a hospital. I want a huge update with lots and lots of pictures so I can live vicariously through you! Look on the bright side, at least you're being forced to paint your bathroom now, instead of when Hazy is here and doesn't want to be put down!

  7. I'm still reading too! It's so funny to me, because over the last couple of months, as I've been trying to find new blogs to read, I skip right past the ones who have newborns. But if they are just newly pregnant or in the middle, I am happy to start following along.