Sunday, February 9, 2014

Hemorrhoids, PUPPP and Doulas, OH MY!

Okay, so I was thinking about hemorrhoids and realized that I didn't know exactly what they were.  I knew that they involved a painful itching swollen asshole but I didn't know why or how.

So I googled that shit.  It's about what I thought.  It's when your blood vessels in your anus get swollen and inflamed due to too much pressure on them.  There are internal hemorrhoids and external hemorrhoids.

So then I google imaged that shit.  Holy mother of god!  Go google image that shit right now!  I was dying laughing in horror of what might happen to my poor little butthole.  It's horrifying yet strangely I couldn't look away.  My husband was disgusted with me.  Seriously go look at some pictures, I'll wait.

In other pregnancy horrors I noticed on Thursday night that I had some sort of rash all over the backs of my thighs and knees when I got out of the shower.  It was little tiny bumps and red streaks.  It kind of felt like having a very mild sunburn.  I googled that and self diagnosed myself with PUPPP.  The google images are monstrous.  It's a rash that usually appears in the last trimester (I'm only 17 weeks!) for unknown reasons.  While it's horribly itchy and disgusting to look at it is completely harmless to the baby and goes away after the baby is born.  I was freaking out.  I texted my mother to see if she had experienced this with any of her pregnancies and neglected to tell me.  She hadn't.  She did tell me to calm down and just use calamine lotion and to not use hydro-cortisone.  I still emailed my midwife and told her about the rash and that I thought it was a mild case of PUPPP.   She emailed me back and said she didn't think it sounded like PUPPP and that when you are pregnant your immune system changes and you can all of a sudden have a reaction to hot water!  She told me to use a moisturizer and keep and eye on it.  It has calmed down but now I'm afraid to take a shower.

Last week my friend from this blog post had her baby and I went to visit with her and her new baby the next day.  I also had to bring her her baby shower gift because I was miraculously still out of town for Thanksgiving during the shower.  Remember this post?  Admittedly it was much easier to go ooo and awww over her newborn daughter now that I am pregnant with my own daughter.  I enjoyed hearing all about her labor in great detail.  This is the second baby my friend has had with the help of midwives at a birthing center.  I found out that her really close friend who I will call Mo has been going through Doula training and was her Doula for her daughter.  I am not really friends with Mo but throughout the last 12 or so years I have seen her from time to time at BBQs, Birthday parties, etc.  We were both bridesmaids at my friend's wedding.  Mo was in the group of ladies who I went with to see Madonna in Oct '12.  Mo and I spent a good portion of our prefunk drinking commiserating how much infertility sucks.  She already had a daughter but was at the time struggling with secondary infertility including a miscarriage.  So although we are not really friends we are friendly and I like her.  She actually just gave birth to another baby girl in the beginning of January.

So it dawned on me that it would be great if Mo would be willing to be our Doula for a more affordable price than the ones I've been looking at on line!  I FB messaged her today and asked her what her rates are and if she would be willing to do a trade for Pilates sessions for part of the cost.  She got back to me that she was about to run out the door so couldn't write a full message but she is so excited that we are finally pregnant and that we should chat about Doula stuff.  I thought it was a really positive message and that she basically had said yes but then B pointed out that she didn't actually say yes, just that we should talk.  So now I'm nervous.  At least she sounded really positive and will possibly be a good resource to help us find a different, cheap Doula if for some reason she declines.  For some reason though I have already latched onto the idea of her being our Doula and it just feels right.

What else, I had my second midwife appointment on Thurs and met the other midwife that could possibly deliver Hazy.  I liked her a lot too so that's a relief!  We just chatted for about an hour and listened to Hazy's HB.  It was right around 150 like it has been.  I was able to correctly guide the midwife to the spot where I thought she would find the HB and sure enough we heard it right away!  I scheduled our anatomy scan for March 14th which seems like a hundred years away from now.  Really it's about 5 weeks away and I will be 21 weeks, 5 days by then!

We are still on the hunt for a dresser for Hazy's room.  I have just been searching Craigslist.  As soon as we find something then it will force us to really start working on her room.  The problem is so far I haven't had luck finding a dresser that I like, that has the number of drawers that I want, that is also the right height to use as a changing table.  And we keep finding dressers and cabinets that we are in love with but that we really don't need.  For example we are going to look at a dresser (and most likely buy it) this afternoon that doesn't work for Hazy but we decided it will look fabulous in our dining room.  Ridiculous.  Like we have money to buy pieces of furniture that we don't really need.  In some ways it is practical because we can put our bar glasses in the drawers and move our liquor to the top because right now our "bar" consists of a retro rolling cart that is definitely not safe for when Hazy starts crawling around.  And I can use the other drawers for washcloths, bibs etc.  At least this is how we are justifying it. 

We also have to replace our glass topped coffee table with hard corners with a soft ottoman that has storage space for baby toys and get a new rug in the living room. We also need to get a new storage cabinet for B's CDs which are currently in tall, skinny, free standing shelves that refuse to bolt to the walls.  Super dangerous for when we have a baby crawling around getting into everything.  I was all proud of myself for getting all the baby hand me downs from all my nanny families and friends but it looks like we will be spending plenty of money on getting the rest of our house ready instead! 

Alright that's it.  I did update with a new belly pic last week that I think I forgot to mention.  I'm only doing even weeks for suspense.  Just kidding, I'm lazy.

If you still haven't google imaged hemorrhoids go do it now!


  1. Just want to say I love your blog. Long time reader but shitty commenter, sorry. So happy for you on your little Hazy!!
    Just wanted to suggest a great show on Hemmroids. Howard Stern had a show called Worlds Largest Hemmroids. I swear not these crazy people with hemmroids go on the show, bend over and spread their ass cheeks and then Howard judges. Literally was in tears watching it. Unsure whether to be laughing or crying. Regardless we watch it at work every so often (nurse humor??)and it is always a hit.
    Anyway, best of luck to you. Thanks for your blog!

    1. Thank you! That is sweet of you to say. :) Howard Stern is seriously so disgusting, I am not surprised that he had a show on hemorrhoids. I can't stand how he treats women but I might have to check out the hemorrhoids show! Thanks for the tip!

  2. I have hemorrhoids, and it's probably what scares me most about giving birth! I heard they get worse during birth, so that's something to look forward to. One showed up around 20 something weeks & they've only gotten worse since then. Despite your peer pressure, I will NOT be google image searching them ;)
    You seem very on top of things with getting the house ready for your little girl! Very exciting :)

    1. I know girl, I was thinking of you when I wrote this. You got them at 20 weeks!? That means you had to deal with them for 1/2 the pregnancy! Ugh, that fucking sucks. At least as soon as you give birth (you are sooooo close!) they will disappear though. I keep feeling like it's too early to get started on the baby's room but I am excited to put it together!

  3. LOL thank goodness I'm at work so I cannot begin to be tempted to look! I shudder at the thought! While I was pregnant with my oldest, my husband happened to get hemmoriods. My mom thought it was ironic. The pharmacist said, "seems fair to me!"

  4. If you do end up getting PUPP, Mrs. G at Our Griswold had it during her twin's pregnancy and could probably help you out with some tips (not sure if you follow her or not.)

    I've been dealing with things moving...slower...than normal and I'm so scared that I'm going to get hemorrhoids, I've heard they're awful!

    I'm excited that you're getting things ready for baby girl's arrival, are you going to be posting any pictures of the nursery? I'm a total dork and love to look at them!

    1. Yes I will post before and after pics but I'm not doing a theme or going to get all girly. I am probably not even going to paint, lol! I think the key with the poop issue is not to strain....if it won't come out easily on its own just wait. Helpful hint is eat a lot of pears or juice them!!!

    2. Ooooh thanks for the tip, I'll have to buy some pears.

      I totally get where you're coming from about not doing a theme. I think we're just going to go with a color scheme; I ultimately want a room that the baby can grow up into later on (with some changes of course.) I can't wait to see pictures!

  5. Dude. It takes some balls to google image hemorrhoids. I will not be doing that. But wishing you the best!