Even in my dreams...

I have pretty vivid dreams on a regular basis.  Sometimes I dream about someone I haven't seen or heard about in a really long time and then I will run into them the next day.  Doesn't happen all the time but it's happened enough times for me to notice.  My mother believes that I am psychic.  She thinks that it's a family trait passed from her mother to her and now to me.  My grandmother and my mother are from Ireland.  It's more normal to see fairies and talk to spirits in Ireland.  It's just part of the culture.  I should also let you know that my mother literally watched 40 hrs of alien cover up testimony last week so I take what she believes with a grain of salt...or the whole shaker.

Anyway, I had a dream a few weeks ago that I just cant stop thinking about.  Here it is:  My husband and I are at a grocery store and we are standing in line at the checkout.  There are two checkout lines, one for regular people and one for the elite, priority customers.  We are in the elite line.  (this makes sense because my husband works for Wholefoods and we get an employee discount so I think that's what that part of the dream was about).  I feel really guilty that we are able to be in the special line and check out right away because we have to walk past the long line of people standing and waiting in the other line while they glare at us.

I am pushing an umbrella stroller up to the check out counter and I cant see the baby or child that is sitting in it.  When we reach the counter I peer around the stroller to see my baby and it's a doll.  That's right, not a live child or baby but a rag doll.

I have been thinking about this for at least 2 weeks now.  Even in my dreams I don't get to have a baby.  My stupid brain is too smart for it's own good. 

Last summer my beloved dog (this dog meant EVERYTHING to me)  got cancer and after 3 different surgeries including an amputation we still had to put him to sleep.  It killed me.  I was already having the worst year of my life with our TTC getting more complicated and emotionally draining.  I couldn't (and still cant!) believe that, at least up to this point, not only could I not have my own baby but now my animal baby was getting taken from me way sooner that expected.  It was a serious blow to my soul.  If I believed in god we would have had some serious bitch fights.  

After my dog died all I wanted was to dream about him.  I went to sleep every night thinking about him, hoping he would visit me.  I wanted to pet him and kiss him and watch him run around with that giant mouth drooling and smiling.  I did dream about him but every time he appeared in my dreams he was dead.  He was either really sick and dying or like a zombie dog.  It was awful.  I was so mad that even when I was asleep my subconscious still knew he was dead and wouldn't let him be healthy and happy.  How shitty is that?

Anyway, I haven't been able to stop picturing that rag doll sitting in the stroller.  Anyone else have weird dreams like this?