Friday, May 9, 2014

It's 4am...time for a shit and a warm cup of milk

Yep.  That's my life now.

Sometime around 3-4am I wake while flipping over to my other side and try to get comfortable.

Except I can't.  I have to pee.

So after trying to will it away for 5 min I give in and haul my fat ass out of bed and stumble to the bathroom.  I don't turn on any lights, I don't flush the toilet.  I try to stay half asleep and get back in bed before I know I'm awake and walking around.

Back in bed I get comfortable but I just can't fall back asleep.  My brain is on.  I think about stupid things that require no analytical dissection and yet I do it anyway.  For 30 min, an hour, sometimes longer.

Then I feel it.  I'm hungry.  Now there's no way I will be able to sleep, I have to eat something!

So after trying to ignore the grumbling stomach for 10 min, I relent and haul my fat ass out of bed yet again and stumble in the dark to the kitchen.

I pour milk into a coffee mug and put it in the microwave for 1 min.

While waiting for the microwave to beep I realize I have another urge...nature calls.  I have to poop and at this point I welcome any and all bowl movements joyously.

After successfully taking care of business I collect my warm mug of milk.  I take the mug back to bed, still in the dark, and climb back into my pillow fortress to pretend I'm sleeping while I drink the milk.

As soon as I've drained the last drop I make myself comfortable and try again to fall the fuck to sleep.

Aaand I can't.  Still wide awake.

Then B's alarm goes off because he is going into work early so I can pick him up in the afternoon in time for us to go to our US and see how Hazy has grown.

I am awake the whole 45 min it takes him to get ready and let the dogs out into the yard and then tuck them back into bed.  Then he leaves.
I'm still awake.  Sometime around 6am I fall asleep until my alarm goes off at 6:40.  I manage to easily fall back asleep several times between hitting snooze until I can't stall any longer and I haul my fat ass out of bad to greet the glorious day at 7:15am.

Surprisingly nature calls again and I successfully accomplish poop#2 of the morning.  I pat myself on the back for a job well done.

After dressing myself, feeding the pups and letting them out one last time I leave for work.
What were you guys doing at 4am?  Oh, sleeping?  Fuck you.


  1. Ha Ha Ha, loved the last line. "Oh sleeping? Fuck you." Ha Ha. Even though I choose to wake up for early morning runs on Tuesday and Thursday, when my alarm goes off at 4:30, I always feel angry that hubby gets to sleep another couple hours. Fuck him. Anyway, back to you; Yay for getting to see Hazy this afternoon! Can't wait to hear about it!

  2. I was sleeping! ....but only after taking a benadryl.

  3. 4am seems to my recent wake-up time as well! I tried to embrace this one morning by getting up and going into work WAY early, which went really well until around 9am when I needed a two hour nap...

  4. So true! Around 4 am is when one of the numerous times I wake up to pee and for some reason, I can't turn my mind off. I think about what stuff we have to get done for the baby, what I have to get done for work, and by the time I'm able to turn my mind off again, K's alarm goes off. Thankfully I'm able to sleep for another 2ish hours after he leaves, but I normally don't fall back asleep until half an hour before my alarm goes off.