Yep. That's my life now.
Sometime around 3-4am I wake while flipping over to my other side and try to get comfortable.
Except I can't. I have to pee.
So after trying to will it away for 5 min I give in and haul my fat ass out of bed and stumble to the bathroom. I don't turn on any lights, I don't flush the toilet. I try to stay half asleep and get back in bed before I know I'm awake and walking around.
Back in bed I get comfortable but I just can't fall back asleep. My brain is on. I think about stupid things that require no analytical dissection and yet I do it anyway. For 30 min, an hour, sometimes longer.
Then I feel it. I'm hungry. Now there's no way I will be able to sleep, I have to eat something!
So after trying to ignore the grumbling stomach for 10 min, I relent and haul my fat ass out of bed yet again and stumble in the dark to the kitchen.
I pour milk into a coffee mug and put it in the microwave for 1 min.
While waiting for the microwave to beep I realize I have another urge...nature calls. I have to poop and at this point I welcome any and all bowl movements joyously.
After successfully taking care of business I collect my warm mug of milk. I take the mug back to bed, still in the dark, and climb back into my pillow fortress to pretend I'm sleeping while I drink the milk.
As soon as I've drained the last drop I make myself comfortable and try again to fall the fuck to sleep.
Aaand I can't. Still wide awake.
Then B's alarm goes off because he is going into work early so I can pick him up in the afternoon in time for us to go to our US and see how Hazy has grown.
I am awake the whole 45 min it takes him to get ready and let the dogs out into the yard and then tuck them back into bed. Then he leaves.
I'm still awake. Sometime around 6am I fall asleep until my alarm goes off at 6:40. I manage to easily fall back asleep several times between hitting snooze until I can't stall any longer and I haul my fat ass out of bad to greet the glorious day at 7:15am.
Surprisingly nature calls again and I successfully accomplish poop#2 of the morning. I pat myself on the back for a job well done.
After dressing myself, feeding the pups and letting them out one last time I leave for work.
What were you guys doing at 4am? Oh, sleeping? Fuck you.