4 Weeks Left...

First off, am I the only one whose blog dashboard is only showing one post and then not loading anything else??  Seriously annoyed by that. 

So yesterday was officially 4 weeks til my due date.  Holy shit, you guys I can't believe it.  Like I really can't believe it.  I can't quite seem to wrap my head around the fact that the little wiggly being inside my belly is going to find her way out.  I don't feel prepared for that to happen to my body.  I haven't been nervous about the birth and I really still am not nervous simply because it just doesn't feel like it could really happen.  I have zero signs of it happening.  I haven't felt any Braxton Hicks in several months.  I haven't had leaking boobs.  I have had zero back/pelvic pain.  I am not waddling, I can still walk pretty much like a normal person.  I'm sure a lot can happen in the next 4 weeks but as of right now it feels like my body is not getting ready for the big vagina explosion.  Sorry, I like to refer to the birth as the vagina explosion to freak B out, ha ha!

I also can't believe that in several very short weeks I will not be pregnant and instead will have a little human that I am responsible for for the rest of my life!  I feel like it's been such an abstract idea for so so long and now that it's really going to happen I am just a little freaked out!  I just don't know how the reality of our plans will really work out.  Will our childcare plan to switch off between the two of us really work out the way we hope it will?  Will I be able to pump and will she be able to switch between breastfeeding and a bottle with out getting nipple confusion?  Will I really be able to integrate her into my nanny routine and be able to make that work?  Will B really be able to go to work at 5:30am, come home at 3pm and then deal with Hazy for another 6 hrs without me 3 days a week? 

I know that if we weren't dealing with all the house bullshit I would feel more prepared and settled.  I can't tell you how angry I am with our current land lords that they have fucked us like this.  I realize that giving us 6 months is a generous amount of time and I am truly grateful that we have that time on our side.  But I just can't forgive them for springing this on us right before our very first child is to arrive.  Not the time in your life when you want to be worried about where you are going to live.  I am so furious that for the last remaining weeks of my pregnancy (what might be my only pregnancy) instead of just enjoying my growing belly and focusing on getting mentally and emotionally prepared to meet my baby I am forced to have constant anxiety, worse insomnia than before, endless meetings with lenders and realtors, hours and hours searching for house listing on the internet and of course massive stress about money.  It's such bullshit. 

We made our first offer on a house that I really loved last Thursday.  We came in second so we lost.  The house wasn't the most amazing house in the world but I just could just picture us raising our family in it and the commute wouldn't have affected our lives very much at all.  I am still really bummed that the other people beat us by about 10K.  We even offered 10% over the asking price and then 10K beyond that.  The other people basically offered 15% over the asking price.  It is really frustrating how the market works here in Seattle.  It's super competitive and there are not very many houses in our price range that are in reasonable locations.  Basically if we are really stoked about a house you can bet there are at least 10 other people who are stoked on it and there will be a bidding war. 

We are all set with a realtor that we really like and we are meeting with another lender tonight to hopefully get all squared away with financing.  We started with one lender but then switched because this new guy can close super fast which makes any offer we make more desirable to the seller.  If the house is newly listed and we know there's competition then you have to pay for a pre inspection to make your offer more desirable too.  We paid $700 bucks last week for a pre inspection on the house we lost.  Wonderful.  Considering that we have been told to expect to lose the first 3-5 offers we make before we finally get a house, we can't blow $700 bucks every time we make an offer.  My new strategy is to look at houses that are about 25K out of our price range but have been on the market for over 60 days.  Obviously there isn't the same competition and we can make a lower offer that is in our price bracket.  If they agree to the offer then we pay for an inspection.  We'll see if my plan pays off.  Ugh, I am so sick of this already. 

We had our Doula come over on Friday evening and talked with her about what might help me in labor.  Basically I don't know.  I just have no idea what I will be feeling and what will make me more comfortable.  She really encouraged us to make a birth plan which we have been way too busy to really think about.  Later today I have an appointment with a naturopath who will hopefully become our family Dr and Hazy's pediatrician.  I hope I like her right away so I don't have to continue looking for someone else.  Tomorrow we have our first home visit with our midwife.  I am stressed about how she will react to my dogs.  They have a 5 minute freak out period when people come over.  They freak out when they hear someone at the door and then when the person enters the house they circle and sniff and jump up.  It's totally obnoxious and there's no way to get them to listen to commands because they are overcome with excitement.  It gives me anxiety. 

 I am hosting my sister's bachelorette party on Sat.  I spent last weekend shopping for penis paraphernalia.  We are kicking it off at my house and then going to a pole dance class and the male strip club.  I really hope it's fun and my sister has a good time.  I am feeling pretty distracted so I hope I can get my shit together and pull it off!  

Next weekend marks 37 weeks which means I am allowed to go into labor whenever and have a home birth!  So I just have to make it through the bachelorette party and the cost is clear, Hazy can arrive whenever she wants.  Oh. My. God.  The thought of her arriving in 7 days and everyone would be ok with it is mind boggling. 

How do I make this seem more real?

Ps. I posted a new belly pic...because I skipped my 34 week pic there is a month between the last two pics and wow, you can see a big difference!!!