So the other night my husband decided to full on pick a fight with me. We were in bed about to turn on breaking bad and I was in a perfectly fine mood. I think it started by B asking me when my period was due. I told him this weekend. He then asked when I would take HPT. Uh, duh. Never. I told him maybe if I still hadn't seen any sign of AF I would test on wed. Then I flippantly (still in a good mood) said "don't worry honey, I'll get my period this weekend. I'm not pregnant." Then he started to rip me a new asshole about how when I actually do get a BFP he will be so pissed at me if I'm not happy and am still negative. It got so heated and he was actually yelling at me and made me cry! This man does not yell at me or make me cry. Almost never. Its not like him. And he was yelling at me for something that hasn't even happened! WTF?
I got emotional because I was trying to explain that if I ever see a BFP (at this point I feel like it will never happen) I of course will be elated but the last 3 years has completely changed how I will feel about said BFP and the imaginary pregnancy that will follow. 3 years ago if I had gotten a BFP after even a year of TTC I would have announced on FB and called everyone I know right away. I would have assumed that I would bring the baby home and life would've been perfect. 3 years later I am not so naïve. I know a BFP does not mean you get to bring home a baby. And all the hurt and disappointment, bitterness and fear from the last 3 years will not just evaporate.
He just doesn't get this. I feel traumatized from IF and even if we do get a baby after all this bull shit of course I will be the happiest person in the world but I cant see myself skipping off into the sunset with baby in a carriage.
We made up, he apologized and we're fine now but I'm still thinking about it. Anyone else have these husband freak outs? How can you make them get what you are feeling when you can't articulate it?